Dublin and Its C U Next Tuesdays.

I like living in Dublin. There's generally always something to do or somehwhere to go. There are times however that the city infuriates me. I'm just home from a night out with friends after Chairman LMAO's comedy club, that I run with some friends, and as I walked home the pubs and clubs were slowly emptying out onto the street. As I walked down Baggot St. a well dressed man in his late forties, proudly announces to two ladies with him,

"I've waited all my life to get tickets to the All-Ireland Final but then the year I finally get them Cork are playing Down, so I'll be damned if I go. I'll just let the tickets lie at home."
What. A. Douche.

He's waited for his whole "life" for tickets and just because the teams in the final aren't the teams he wants to be in the final, he won't go. Guy, firstly, they got to the final, and I even I know that both sides have been playing good football this year. Secondly, if you have waited for so long to get tickets, don't deny someone else the chance to go, sell the tickets or even give them. Chances are you're not the only person who has been looking to get tickets for years.

As I walked on home after hearing this chap, I thought about the other places in town I've heard such pretentious vocalised wank. The first place that comes to mind is the CUNT in Crawdaddy; a club that has taken the bold step in naming itself after it's most frequent clientele. Next thing you know XXI's will rename itself "Underage, Creepy and/or Asian". (FUN FACT: This was almost what we called The Glen Coco Experience, but we didn't want to have to battle the inevitable cease and desist orders from XXI's.)

For those of you who aren't aware of the glistening, sequins covered hole that is CUNT (C U Next Tuesday; either spell correctly or not all, don't change your mind mid phrase. ), it's a club filled mostly by upper middle class brats who all dress "edgy", "uniquely" and "wanky" but still the same as each other. You know when you're a child and you hear a new word and you become nearly obsessed with saying it? Well, this lot of people are a bit like that, except replace "word" with "concept of irony". Everything they do isn't just an attempt at being ironic, it's an attempt at being "OMG, so ironic, lols". Examples:

• Dancing to mainstream or 90's pop music in an "indie" club, not because it's good music, but because it's not good music. Deep.
• Wearing glasses with clear lenses or even no lenses at all. The worst offenders are the drooling  halfwits who simply pop the 3D lenses out of the "Ray-Ban"-esque 3D glasses from the cinema. It's like, totally ironic that I'm, like, wearing these glasses because, like, my eyesight is fine.
• Making out with members of the same sex, despite not being gay. "Yeah, we're making out but only because we're not gay, it's like totally ironic." Oh, I'm sorry, I forgot we were 12 year old girls playing spin the bottle in a clichéd American comedy.

Not pictured: integrity.

Honestly, I think that the owners were originally going to call the club CUNTS in Crawdaddy, but the inclusion of the "S" proved to be too apt and, well, made it too difficult to claim that they were just being ironic.
A friend of mine once defended the place because it had "hot indie chicks". Granted there are attractive ladies but for the most part these "hot indie chicks" are drunken, spoiled tramps who would put anthrax spores in their Granny's sugar bowl if it was something Urban Outfitters or Topshop were promoting.

Also, for fans of Oliver Cromwell, despite the drinking, dancing and music, you'd enjoy C***, because the scowl is back. I guess you could say it's one of the few things people actually wear there. WOOWOOWOO! That's an ambulance, because someone just got burned! Sorry, the sassy, clichéd black lady part of my brain just took over. But seriously, people, you go out to have fun and have all of the giggles. There is no need to look down your nose at everyone that isn't your BBFFF (Bestest best friend forever FACT!) On one occasion, I'm pretty sure I saw a rather short girl bring a step ladder with her just so she could scowl at those who were taller than here. No joke.

I'll leave this topic now, with the news that I plan on opening my own club but with Crawdaddy having set the vulgarity bar, in both a literal and metaphorical sense, quite high I've decided to name mine Rectal Leakage. Snappy isn't it?