Dublin and Its C U Next Tuesdays.

I like living in Dublin. There's generally always something to do or somehwhere to go. There are times however that the city infuriates me. I'm just home from a night out with friends after Chairman LMAO's comedy club, that I run with some friends, and as I walked home the pubs and clubs were slowly emptying out onto the street. As I walked down Baggot St. a well dressed man in his late forties, proudly announces to two ladies with him,

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The Spirit of Christmas is dead?

I was walking home from getting a late bite to eat with my friend Conor earlier on tonight when I notice two ladies crossing the road to my side. As I walk down the road one of the two ladies shouts to a passing car,

"Are you looking, love?"
Now, I must say that I didn't immediately think that they were hookers when I saw them for the simple reason that I didn't think they came in pairs (or should that be pretend to come?). I must say that Conor lives in a very nice and posh part of Dublin, it just happens to be a preferred spot for those on the game.
Back to me walking down the road! I pass the two women and the following conversation happened;

Hooker : "How're you tonight dear?"
Me : "I'm pretty good, and yourselves?"
Hooker : "Are you looking for some business?"
Me : "I'm afraid I'm not. Sorry!"
Hooker :"That's all alright. Take care love!"
Me : "Same to you. Have a nice night."
Hooker : "You too!"

So as you can see it was all very pleasant and polite, as all refused sexual transactions should be. However, I remembered Conor pointing out two Gardaí just before we got to his place. I call back to the prostitutes.
Me : "Eh, excuse me, sorry!"
Hooker : "Yeah?"
Me : "There are two Gardaí around that corner just so you know."
Hooker : "Aww, thanks very much love, that was very kind of you."
And with that they crossed back over the road and headed off into the snowy night as I continued home content in the knowledge I kept someone from spending Christmas in a jail cell. We can only imagine the fun, magical and mysterious adventure they're on right now.

Like this, only sluttier.

Although it's probably a safe bet to assume that it involves some chap's bell end tickling their tonsils.
People say the spirit of Christmas is dead; not on my watch it is.

IKea-d you'd not, swedish furniture stores rock!

I recently went to the Republic of Ireland's first IKEA store out in the beautiful Dublin suburb of Ballymun*

*More hyperbole than has every been used ever before.

Long story short, I love IKEA. Rather than talk about the furniture et al, which is the same the world over, I'd like to thank the staff.

For what?

For not giving a fuck about what we did!

Ladies and gentleman, I present to you a picture of all the free pencils I took in the 2-3 hour time period I was there.



The above is exactly 140 pencils and 3 pens!

"KNACKER!" I hear you yell, but I've two very solid defences.

1.) When in Rome! (or Ballymun rather)
2.) I'm from Cavan, when we see free shit we take as much of it as possible.

There, two defences that would hold up in any court in the land!


Oh, yeah I bought a table too. Thought you'd like to know.

My UCD Life Episodes 3 and 4

My UCD Life

I've been recruited on to the UCD Video Squad, a position which requires me to make a series of videos about my life in UCD (University College Dublin for those of you not from Ireland, and by 'those of you' I mean 'both of you'). The idea is that our videos will be uploaded onto the UCD website so prospective students will get an idea about life in UCD. I've decided to post the first two of my videos here before they go up on the university's website. Enjoy!

Diary of a (War)crack Addict. #2

First of let me just say the reason it's taken me over 2 weeks to post another 'Diary of a (War)crack Addict' is because of the 174678 patches I've had to download. Everytime I open WoW I was told I need to download a patch. These patches were to get me from what I think was version 3.0something of the game to the current 3.2 version. However at about version 3.1.0something, after numerous 9 hour patches, it decided that that would do and I'd actually be allowed to play the game.
I went to Blizzard's EU website and upgraded my account to the Burning Crusade expansion. (Thanks very much again to Remi Rockit for her being her usual helpful self.) Having two new races available to me I chose the 'baddie' of the two new options, the blood elf.

P.I.M.P

The above chap is my Mage Blood Elf. He is currently at level 4 after a few embarrassing deaths to some Tenders and a fence post (well at least that's how it looked from my angle.)
As I said in the first edition of this 'Diary' this was not going to be a record of what happens in the game, more my take on the games effect on my social life, sleeping pattern, general health etc. I just stopped playing for the night and it's 5.30am I've spent the last 4 days dosed with a horrible prick of a cold which I've still to fully recover from and I've a very busy 2 weeks ahead including a wedding and a comedy show. Soooo, all in all, WoW has so far only become a minor hindrance in my plan to fix my sleep pattern to one which is somewhat sociable in GMT.

On that note I shall go to World of Dreamcraft.


I mean bed; I shall go to bed.


Knight!


I mean night; night!

Oxegen 2009 - The Good, The Bad and The Muddy.

Oxegen 2009 was my fourth consecutive Oxegen festival. In order to avoid a huge wall of text I'm going to review it in bullet points under three headings.

The Good

• Getting to the campsite and setting up in good weather.
  
• AC/DC tribute band Hells Bells playing the Thursday night stage.
• The Xbox Live stage in the Blue Campsite.
• Niall Gaffney's childlike excitement towards returning to Oxegen.
  
• "I'm sorry, I thought this was America"
  
• "I like your schtyle!"
• "So basically, we're lucking for trouble."
  
• Having an awesomely warm and dry tent.
• Having awesomely warm and dry tent mates!
• 'Free' stuff.
• Pendulum playing Master Of Puppets.
• Charming some free Ben & Jerry's
  
• Good nights of sleep.
• Showering.
  
• Meeting people from all over the place especially Tyrone (Sean, Shauna and Hannah) and Belfast (Sophia, Meabh and of course Max)
  
• Trip into Naas and associated 'free' bowl and salt shaker.
  
• Chancey Tent.
• The relationship between Ken and Ferghal.
  
• Getting recognised by a random Londoner as 'David Reilly the Comedian!!'
• Seeing my friend Jon Hozier-Byrne's brother Andrew play the IMRO Stage.
• Seeing The Killers play songs from Hot Fuss.
• The random sunny intervals.
• Not having to worry about tents or bags on Sunday.
• Mud fights.
• Learning how to make the Blood symbol.
• The guy in the horse mask doing the 'look'.
  
• Experiencing Of Montreal's show.
• Toplessness.
• Dancing to Song 2 in my boxers with Conor.
• Meeting Conor and Ken just as the "Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaahhh!" from Sabotage by The Beastie Boys kicked in during The Bloody Beetroots.
• Niall's return from Naas Hospital.
  
• The Frothy Gashes were the band of the weekend. Followed by The Bloody Beetroots or Of Montreal.

The Bad

• The rain.
• Sunburn.
• The toilets.
• Niall refracturing his leg.
  
• Over abundance of chavs, knackers, scumbags, skangers, scobes, spidies, pillheads etc.
• Festival virgins shouting "It's Oxegen!!" whenever anyone did anything sensible like sleep.
• Sleeping on a rock.
• Getting soaked going to the Schuh Welly Exchange only to find it to be closed.
• Being three minutes from meeting Maximo Park but being too pissed off about the Schuh tent to wait.
• Ladyhawke getting sick. (Swine Flu or the good AIDS I reckon)
  
• The Game cancelling (Shot no doubt)
• People losing phones and cameras.
• Overcrowded tents.
• Knackbags acting the prick during The Gaslight Anthem waiting for The Game.
• Getting headbutted at Pendulum.
• Scumbags moshing. They don't know how to. If someone falls down, you let them up, not swing kicks at them.
• Hearing The Killers play songs from their second and third album.
• Not meeting more Tweeple or friends from Kilkenny or Dublin.
• Dropping medication on the Dance Hall's floor and having to take it anyway.
• Missing some great bands due to clashes or weather; Mars Volta, Regina Spektor, Nick Cave and The Bad Seeds, Digitalism to name a few.
• Not being able to find my tent, regardless of time of day.
• Being chased by a security guard for peeing on a fence while trying to put it away without peeing on myself or catching myself in the zip.
• Foals not playing Hummer.
  
• Constantly being asked for 'yokes', pills or E's.

The Muddy

• Anto Lynch
• Conor Kelly
• Brendan McKiernan
  
• Emma Finch
  
• Ferghal Hand
• Hannah Tyrone
  
• James Henry
  
• Joseph O'Sullivan
  
• Ken Ryan
  
• Leanne Brady
  
• Louise O'Malley
• Lucy Doyle
  
• Marcus Sheridan
  
• Maxine Clarke
• May Belfast
  
• Niall Gaffney
• Niall Murray
  
• Oisin Henry
  
• Oisin McDonnell
  
• Rob Hand
  
• Robbie Kane
• Sam Moore
  
• Sarah Reilly
  
• Sean Tyrone
  
• Shauna Tyrone
  
• Sophia Connolly
  
• Sorcha Almond-Murray
• Tereas Cronin
  
• Me :)

All in all, it was an enjoyable year. Out of the four I've been to, I'd rank it in third place ahead of 2007, and behind 2006 and 2008.Will I go back next year? Can't say for sure, but no doubt, like every year, I'll change my mind 418 times before next July.

Laugh Out Loud at Anseo,

Stand up Final!

My stand up comedy appearance in the UCD Stands Up Final on March 4th.