The Roger-Moore Algorithm.

Quake of the Earth

2011-08-24T07:21:00.002+01:00

Earlier today I experienced my first earthquake. Calling it “My First Earthquake” sounds a little too much like an inappropriate Fischer-Price toy and is also a bit possessive. Sure, millions of other people experienced it too, many for the first time, but none of them are writing this article.

My initial reaction to the tremor was, “The towels on the back of the door are moving awful fast for towels on the back of a door.” By the time I'd scrambled off my bed and put on my trusted skateboard helmet, the shaking had stopped as if nature had realised there was nothing it could do to harm me now.

Your move, nature.

I think all in all the quake lasted about a minute. That may not seem very long, but if the earthquake was a show on an American television network, there would have been at least three commercial breaks in that time. Also, a minute is more than enough time for the entire East Coast to shit their pants six times over. Most buildings in Manhattan ordered the occupants to evacuate. The buildings themselves didn't give the orders. Manhattan isn't full of anthropomorphic buildings with a deep concern for the lives of humans. If you were hundreds of feet tall, made from concrete and steel and wore clouds as hats, would you care about humans? Didn't think so. Where was I? Ah yes, evacuations. As I said the tremors last about a minute, which is a fraction of the time it would take to evacuate some of these sky scrapers. What if some poor fellow was rushing to the bathroom after needing to pee the entire way through a 45 minute meeting about the Johnson account. He'd have to to further hold it in as he descended fifty something stories just to find out the quake was over. After the all clear, he's in the elevator going back upstairs when, counting off the floors until he can finally relieve himself. Thirty five, thirty six, thirty sev-POP. His bladder explodes. All because of some over eager safety officer thinking he was the Arnold Schwarzenegger* of the health and safety world. By that I mean the saving of lives not the impregnation of housekeepers.

There were so many people on the news who were on the verge of tears because their cat was woken from its early afternoon snooze or whose Pringles can almost fell off the kitchen counter. I mean there were literally tens of people on the news with similar dilemmas. That's not to say everyone was complaining. One woman compared the tremors to a ride at Disneyland. She was so excited she even re-enacted the noises that she thought an earthquake makes. It was both cute and sad in equal measures. Finally, ever the advocates of truth and neutrality, Fox News were running a story on how the earthquake had been organised by an underground alliance consisting of the blacks, gays, Al-Qaeda, single parents and the Mole People.

Update: Now we're being told to expect Hurricane Irene to hit the city this weekend. Awesome. Somebody has decided to give divine control over the East Coast to Roland Emmerich.

*Fun fact: Arnold Schwarzenegger once owned a bricklaying business and profited greatly from the 1971 San Fernando Earthquake. Prick.

The "random musings than don't warrant their own post" post. #2

2010-11-07T23:51:00.001Z

Rightio, it has been over a month since my last entry, but unlike most other times I've had a valid reason, which I'll mention at the end. But first some smaller things that don't warrant a full post of their own.

I did my 100th comedy gig of 2010. I did my first of the year on January 21st and having kept record of everyone since. I did in the region of 25 gigs in 2009, so I'm very pleased with reaching 100 this year. Thanks to anyone who gave me a gig or came to support; it's greatly appreciated.
I performed in The Stand Comedy Club in Edinburgh and Glasgow. The Glasgow one was one of the best I've done and it was a huge deal to me as it's where Stewart Lee, my favourite comedian, recorded some of his DVDs. Probably no big deal to most, but I'm a bit of a sap.
I'm actually keeping on top of all my college work, for the first since I started 3rd level education in 2007. So a large part of the reason I've not posted more is to do with the fact that I'm doing my college work which I find interesting and sort of enjoy doing. IADT > UCD.
I saw The Social Network, which I thoroughly enjoyed, but the highlight of the movie to me was the soundtrack, by Atticus Ross and Trent Reznor. I really hope the two work together on further soundtracks as this on is stellar.
The reason I didn't post anything over during October was that my parents told me they were getting divorced, so I was a little shaken and preoccupied with that. Material to follow.

So yeah, thats the last month in a nutshell.

Dublin and Its C U Next Tuesdays.

2010-09-18T04:46:00.003+01:00

I like living in Dublin. There's generally always something to do or somehwhere to go. There are times however that the city infuriates me. I'm just home from a night out with friends after Chairman LMAO's comedy club, that I run with some friends, and as I walked home the pubs and clubs were slowly emptying out onto the street. As I walked down Baggot St. a well dressed man in his late forties, proudly announces to two ladies with him,

"I've waited all my life to get tickets to the All-Ireland Final but then the year I finally get them Cork are playing Down, so I'll be damned if I go. I'll just let the tickets lie at home."
What. A. Douche.

He's waited for his whole "life" for tickets and just because the teams in the final aren't the teams he wants to be in the final, he won't go. Guy, firstly, they got to the final, and I even I know that both sides have been playing good football this year. Secondly, if you have waited for so long to get tickets, don't deny someone else the chance to go, sell the tickets or even give them. Chances are you're not the only person who has been looking to get tickets for years.

As I walked on home after hearing this chap, I thought about the other places in town I've heard such pretentious vocalised wank. The first place that comes to mind is the CUNT in Crawdaddy; a club that has taken the bold step in naming itself after it's most frequent clientele. Next thing you know XXI's will rename itself "Underage, Creepy and/or Asian". (FUN FACT: This was almost what we called The Glen Coco Experience, but we didn't want to have to battle the inevitable cease and desist orders from XXI's.)

For those of you who aren't aware of the glistening, sequins covered hole that is CUNT (C U Next Tuesday; either spell correctly or not all, don't change your mind mid phrase. ), it's a club filled mostly by upper middle class brats who all dress "edgy", "uniquely" and "wanky" but still the same as each other. You know when you're a child and you hear a new word and you become nearly obsessed with saying it? Well, this lot of people are a bit like that, except replace "word" with "concept of irony". Everything they do isn't just an attempt at being ironic, it's an attempt at being "OMG, so ironic, lols". Examples:

Dancing to mainstream or 90's pop music in an "indie" club, not because it's good music, but because it's not good music. Deep.
Wearing glasses with clear lenses or even no lenses at all. The worst offenders are the drooling halfwits who simply pop the 3D lenses out of the "Ray-Ban"-esque 3D glasses from the cinema. It's like, totally ironic that I'm, like, wearing these glasses because, like, my eyesight is fine.
Making out with members of the same sex, despite not being gay. "Yeah, we're making out but only because we're not gay, it's like totally ironic." Oh, I'm sorry, I forgot we were 12 year old girls playing spin the bottle in a clichéd American comedy.

Not pictured: integrity.

Honestly, I think that the owners were originally going to call the club CUNTS in Crawdaddy, but the inclusion of the "S" proved to be too apt and, well, made it too difficult to claim that they were just being ironic.
A friend of mine once defended the place because it had "hot indie chicks". Granted there are attractive ladies but for the most part these "hot indie chicks" are drunken, spoiled tramps who would put anthrax spores in their Granny's sugar bowl if it was something Urban Outfitters or Topshop were promoting.

Also, for fans of Oliver Cromwell, despite the drinking, dancing and music, you'd enjoy C***, because the scowl is back. I guess you could say it's one of the few things people actually wear there. WOOWOOWOO! That's an ambulance, because someone just got burned! Sorry, the sassy, clichéd black lady part of my brain just took over. But seriously, people, you go out to have fun and have all of the giggles. There is no need to look down your nose at everyone that isn't your BBFFF (Bestest best friend forever FACT!) On one occasion, I'm pretty sure I saw a rather short girl bring a step ladder with her just so she could scowl at those who were taller than here. No joke.

I'll leave this topic now, with the news that I plan on opening my own club but with Crawdaddy having set the vulgarity bar, in both a literal and metaphorical sense, quite high I've decided to name mine Rectal Leakage. Snappy isn't it?

Nostaglic Smiles #1

2010-08-29T02:05:00.001+01:00

Those of you who've seen my recent stand up sets or heard me on various radio stations in the past will know that I've a huge love for the Power Ranger series, especially the original Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers. In the last week the original Blue Ranger came out to the world, so while reading about this online, I ended up just watching different Power Rangers videos.

That video brings back so many memories of waking up at 8.30 every Saturday morning when I was little and just sitting in my pyjamas watching ITV's childrens' programming all morning.

Also, how convenient is it that Alpha has a button to summon "teenagers with attitude"? :)

You want a weird dream, well try this...

2010-07-31T02:37:00.002+01:00

I found this piece saved in my drafts from last March:

Ok, so this is not going to be the most well written or coherent piece, more a loose stream of consciousness of what I can remember.

Here goes!

So I was on a Dublin Bus, in Cavan, parked at the bus station. I was talking to my friends Marcus and Adam on the upper deck of the bus. There was also two chaps there who looked liked grizzled war veterans. So Marcus and Adam left the bus. I keep talking to these two chaps about Rocky and Rambo. Then the bus starts to get shot at. So we casually sit down on the ground. After a few minutes we lie under all the seats. Eventually Danni Minogue has enough and says she's leaving to save herself.
Heroically I tell her that by leaving she'll give away that we're hiding there so she stays. Then a chap in a white shirt and red tie comes on the bus and tells us to all get off calmly. So we all get off. Except there are Somalian pirates waiting on the road. Their leader is this old man I saw on the bus a few weeks ago in Ringsend. He says he is the 'king of Nigeria' from those spam emails and someone signed over the lease to Ireland.

Still with me?

So then myself, a large black man, an Asian woman, a girl with blue dreadlocks, a mentally handicapped man in a white jumpsuit and his brother are told that since we are the oldest we had to go into the bus station. Everyone else, including Emily, Nikita, Marcus, Adam and loads of faces I recognise were told to stand at St. Phelim's N.S wall. Inside the cafe in the bus station, we're told that we have been chosen to dance for the elders and we only had a few days to practice.

Cut to a Vietnamese pig sty (supposedly at the back of the bus station), in pouring rain. A guard (Vietnamese) comes along and says that it was time for a different pair to practice. But then he notices that only myself and blue hair girl are in the sty. He looks closer and blue hair girl turns out to be the Asian girl. She kicks him in the head, he staggers back, large black chap jumps out of the mud and breaks theguard's neck. We make a break for a forest that is now where St. Phelim's should be, first crossing the river of quick-sand. In the forest we run uphill, for ages. We come across some barbed wire but the large man stands (he's bare footed. Racial stereotype?) on it so we can get over it. He then has a flash back to his whole village being killed. We keep going up this hill. We then see children, or bush children as they were called. They try run away from us but using two large leaves as fake wings we trapped them. (Don't ask, I don't know) They point us in the right direction.

/takes breath

Oh yeah, the big guy has this stick, except it's more like a cut piece of timber with a section taken out of the top of it, like a right angular wooden hook. Anyway, we see these large vines leading up the hill and when they're touched, they drag us up towards a large carnivourous plant, but we let go just before we were eaten. Then we saw plywood and concluded it was a man made area. Next we were in my attic and my mum was all like 'David, dad'll be home soon and you didn't print of the CVs'. Then dad came home and was giving out about it, and the strange people in the attic, and he tried to come up to see who everyone was but the retarded chap pushed him (I think)
So we kept running.

Stairway to what now?!

2010-07-30T03:28:00.006+01:00

TNA recently announced that Rob Van Dam and Abyss would compete in a "Stairway To Janice" match.

I know now that "Janice" is Abyss's plank with nails in it but regardless I did have a go at making the poster for that week's episode of Impact based on my initial thoughts.

I may have taken it a tad too literal.

Anyway, TNA marketing division, call me!

(For readers who aren't wrestling fans, I promise the next post will be about something other than wrasslin')

Forget West Virginia, this is the best wrestling promotion in the WORLD!

2010-07-28T20:52:00.008+01:00

[NOTE: Some Firefox users don't seem to be able to see the video below but just click "Read More.." and it'll appear. Apologies. d]

Behold, ladies and gentlemen, a video that will entertain everyone, be they wrestling fans or not:

If you watched the video, and I can only presume you have if you're reading this, you will understand what I meant in this post's title when I said Mountain State Wrestling is not just the best wrestling promotion in West Virginia, but the world.

The video opens strongly with Karl and man, is he a Karl. What can be said about violent world of Frank Parker that the man himself didn't already cover with that chest slap; a true champion of the promo. Stro, the Maestro of Wrestling was once known as Gorgeous George III. As you can see, there's a reason the past tense is used there.

And what about those Bunkhouse Boys eh? Eh? EH? Known for their agility, speed and lethal aerial attacks. Sorry, that's sparrowhawks; easy mistake to make. But keep an eye out for The Bunkhouse Boys patented devastating finishing move, Getting Bum Raped In The Barn As Your Loved Ones Watch On While Tied Up And Crying. (You should hear the commentators yell that one!)

Kris King is two time MSW wrestler of the year and there were two him in the video. Get it? There were two of him, because he was two time wrestler of the year. See? Smart isn't it? That's why MSW is going to go places!

Then we've one for the ladies, you know who he is; "Hotstuff" Ricky Shane. (Cue "Who?" en masse)

I can feel my vagina frothing, can you?

NEWS JUST IN! The "Legit" half of Legit Dynamite as reached puberty and as such will be allowed to compete in the upcoming Pay Per View! I know there were some worried readers out there.

Two words. Diablo. Jr. Proving that the stereotype of huge, 'roided up dudes are the only successful wrestlers. I like his modest take on Bret Hart's "The best there is, the best there was, and the best there ever will be" line, with his "The best today" line. Who is to know who the best tomorrow will be? Not Diablo Jr. that's for sure!

Finally, How you dooin' everayboday?!

I really want to be On The Road.

2010-06-10T02:02:00.005+01:00

I recently finished reading Jack Kerouac's On The Road on the flight home Spain a few weeks ago. Ever since finishing it I've practically thought about nothing but road trips and travelling around with just a rucksack and an enthusiasm for the unknown.

A few days after I got home from Spain, I was to go to a good friend of mine's 21st birthday on Clare Island, off the west coast of Ireland. I was so excited. Myself, Jon and Conor set off on a Glen Coco Experience roadtrip from Dublin, with Jon driving. As I had only ever gone to Clare Island from Cavan before with Mum driving, we weren't too sure on which roads to take so of course we consulted the source of all knowledge, Google. Google told us which roads to take and how long it would take to get there. I was suspect of the 3.5 hours it told us it'd take to drive west across the country seeing as it takes that long to get from Cavan to Mayo. Regardless, I knew it would be closer to 3.5 hours (in the region of 5 I predicted) than to the few weeks it took Mr. Kerouac and Co. to get across the USA. This just reminded me of how depressingly small Ireland is.

We set of at around 1.30pm with the aim of making the 5.30 ferry. Man, did we underestimate the journey.
I sat in the back seat, behind Conor, the window open, my head propped up with my jumper, my hair blowing out the window and delightfully, the May sun beating down. I drifted off to sleep sometime after we had left Co. Dublin behind us and were on the N5 westwards to the sounds of Benny Goodman. I soon began to dream of being in On The Road; Jon's Daewoo had transformed into an open top Cadillac, I was now sitting behind Jack Kerouac instead of Conor and in the driving seat was Neal Cassidy bouncing up and down in his excitable way. Benny Goodman still came swinging from the car radio. It was a surreal dream as it was like reality had just been skewed slightly rather than a clear cut dream, if that makes sense. For some reason I felt a great, peaceful happiness; something I'd not felt in months. The dream became more surreal, with Kerouac talking off picking up William S. Burroughs in Longford. I figured my brain had conjured this image after I semi woke for a few seconds to hear Jon and Conor talking about visiting our friend Sean as we passed through Longford.

Abruptly the dream came to an end when out of the radio of the beat up Cadillac came Sabotage by the Beastie Boys. The Cadillac transformed back into the Daewoo, I was once again sitting behind Conor and the excitable driver was once again Jon, who dragged on his rollie. Beastie Boys soon finished and the open chords of The Times They Are a-Changin emanated from the car radio. As I sat there thinking about how On The Road influenced that dream, I realised that if it wasn't for Kerouac, the song playing would in all likelihood not exist. Bob Dylan once said of the books influence on him, "It changed my life like it changed everyone else's".

Five and a half hours after we departed from Dublin, we found ourselves racing to make the 7.30 ferry, the last one of the day. For those of you who have not driven on roads in the West it is important to know that at times there is barely one lane for traffic, let alone one in each direction. This can pose quite the problem when you've missed your turn and then realise you've only minutes to make the boat. We bombed along at a speed fast enough that we'd make it, but at the same time slow enough so we could stop to avoid being crushed wreckless Dubliners on holidays driving like lunatics in their Range Rovers. The plan was that Conor and I would jump out and buy the tickets as Jon parked the car. (In case any of you were picturing a car ferry, think again. There's maybe space for 2 cars at most on these boats and even then they have to be crane lifted on.) Fail that, we'd pull a Starsky and Hutch and speed the car off a hypothetical conveniently placed ramp and onto the departed both. Luckily for us, the Daewoo and the good ship The Pirate Queen we hadn't to revert to Option B, much to the malaise of the adrenaline fueled kids inside us.

It was a fantastic night on the Clare Island. We partied until nearly dawn and after a few hours sleep were provided with a mountain of food for breakfast by Marian's mum. Once we'd eaten, The Glen Coco Experience embarked on our quest to climb the larger of two mountains. I, unwisely, did this topless and suffered pretty bad sunstroke that only really set in on the trip home and required me to get covered in Sudacream by Jon in a petrol station forecourt in Tulsk, Co. Roscommon. Between there and Edgewardstown, where Mum was collecting me, I was shivering uncontrollably and blacking out from the pain. Needless to say the journey east was not near as pleasant as the one west.

I really hope to travel a lot more over the coming summer months and from reading the book, I've put my shyness aside and contacted clubs outside Dublin and in the UK for gigs so, as well as gigging, I have the journeys to look forward too.

"What is that feeling when you're driving away from people and they recede on the plain till you see their specks dispersing? — it's the too-huge world vaulting us, and it's good-by. But we lean forward to the next crazy venture beneath the skies."
- Jack Kerouac, On the Road, Part 2, Ch. 8

Holy Nostalgic Email Batman!

2010-05-12T19:00:00.001+01:00

I'm currently lying in bed with a horrible headache (Is that the Waaahmbulance I hear?) and deleting old emails from my hotmail inbox. After setting the sort option to dates in ascending order (I think) I found this email from one of my best friends Niamh that I'd forgotten existed (the email, not Niamh) and it made me smile so much. It's dated "08 September 2006 10:20:53" and this what Niamho had to say:

"ye so im really bored in ecdl right now so i thought i write a message to
people, and yous are the lucky people....... theres no point t dis msg....
im just bored, nd im gettin my picture taken for the school foto which is
gay, gay, FAG, gay, gay.... u get it. oh and im kinda hoping itl be next
class coz i have a geog test nd i didnt get time t study for that coz i did
EVERYTHING i could do so just i didnt have to study........... BLAH. so here
i am, am i here? i am here, its amazin wot you can do with them 3 words isnt
it?? ye so im gonna go now,
goin

goin

gone!!!"

Being 16 was so much fun and was one of the best times of my life.

I must pointed out that Niamh's spelling and grammar has improved. Somewhat. ;)

Chairman LMAO's Comedy Blah Blah presents "UCD Vs. Trinity"

2010-04-27T03:47:00.003+01:00

On April 23rd, myself and a few friends organised a UCD vs. Trinity stand up "competition" at Chairman LMAO's Comedy Blah Blah (the club I run with Jon and Conor)

It was an absolutely fantastic night, and without a doubt my favourite gig that I've ever been a part of. We organised awards to add more fun to the night.

The comedians on the night were:

UCD:
Jon Hozier-Byrne - Most Charming
Kelan Flynn - Best Conor Award
Conor Barry - Kelan Flynn Award
Mairead Connell - Best Comedienne
Me - Tesla Award

TCD:
Conor O'Toole - Other Best Conor Award
Gavin Carberry - Best Glasses
Kevin Lockard - Most Vertical Stand Up
Valerie Lynch - Other Best Comedienne
James Belfast - Best Foreign Act

The night was MCed by my good friend Heber Hanly who also picked up the Heber Hanly Award for Best MC. :)

Below is the video of my set!

Scanger Rap

2010-04-22T01:33:00.003+01:00

A good friend of mine and fellow comedian Shane Browne has uploaded a recording of his latest hilarious song onto YouTube.

After watching that, be sure to look up his fantastic other song, The Celtic Tiger Song.

WWE Wrestlemania Revenge Tour Show.

2010-04-11T01:50:00.005+01:00

I'm just home from the WWE Wrestlemania Revenge Tour house show featuring the Raw roster in The O2 in Dublin. The last time I was at a pro wrestling show was last January I attended the TNA house show in Dublin. Just to get it out of the way, and as before, I won't waste the time of any non wrestling fan reading by go to a huge detail on the matches other than results:

MVP def. Chavo Guerrero
Evan Bourne def. Dos Caras
Maryse(c) def. Eve Torres and Kelly Kelly in a Triple Threat for Divas Title
Randy Orton def. The Legacy. Ted DiBiase got cut open and an EMT came into the ring to stop the bleeding so the match was held up.
Christian def. William Regal. Great match with a huge heat on Regal for obvious reasons.
ShoMiz(c) def. Kofi Kingston and Mark Henry to retain the Unified Tag Team Titles.
John Cena(c) def. Sheamus for the WWE Championship w/Bret Hart as special enforcer

This was the first time I was in The O2 since it was renovated and I was very impressed. I was at a Smackdown show in The Point, as it was known then, in 2005 and there were pillars in a lot of people's ways but now there is no such problem. The atmosphere was fantastic, with a huge amount age groups present. There was no queuing at all, everyone got straight in which was another noticeable difference with the 2005 show.

I guess the biggest aspect to tonight's show was the homecoming of Sheamus, the first ever Irish WWE Champion. While he did lose to Cena in the main event, he got the biggest pop of the night. After the match Cena cut a promo on him saying that he'd pushed the champion to the limit and that he has everything it takes to make it to the top and stay there. He then said that tonight the belt belonged to him and handed Sheamus the belt before leaving. After this Sheamus cut a promo on how a few years ago he was working security at WWE shows in The Point and how proud he was to be Irish and representing the country on a world stage. He said that he didn't win the championship at TLC for him, he won it for every Irish wrestling fan. He finally said that we deserved the belt and left it in the centre of the ring before going around the ringside fans and leaving. Cena's promo was a very classy move in my opinion and you could really feel the emotion and sincerity in Sheamus's speech.

As we were walking back along the Docklands we saw a small crowd outside the Clarion Hotel and we waited there for a short while before two coaches with all the WWE Superstars from the show pulled up. Most just waved or shook hands as they passed. Mark Henry and Evan Bourne stayed for over five minutes posing and joking with fans. I managed to get a picture with Sheamus where I'm grinning like a chump. Cena was the last off the bus but went straight inside as he seemed very banged up and was limping badly.

Here's video of Cena and Sheamus's post main event promos courtesy of my friend Breffni O'Sullivan whom I was at the show with and can be sort of seen in the above picture.

All in all, it was a fantastic night and was totally worth the €82 ticket cost. As cheesey as it sounds, I can't wait until my next wrestling show.

StreetDance 3D: A Review.

2010-04-09T14:23:00.002+01:00

Visually impressive? Check. Minorities speaking in broken English? Check. Plot devoid of originality? Check! No, it's not Avatar, (well it could be,just not on this occasion) it's Streetdance 3D, the latest film to jump on the street dancing bandwagon (See: Step Up, Step Up 2: The Streets) except unlike the others, this is set on the mean streets of London. And by mean streets, I mean a fancy ballet academy. Streetdance is a gritty, dramatic and realistic social commentary in which two groups of youths from contrasting upbringings must put their differences aside in order to win the most hallowed and prestigious UK Street Dance Final. Serious shit, I know!

The story centres around Carly and her “crew” of dancers wanting to win the aforementioned competition but in order to practice in a studio in a ballet academy they must allow some of the ballet students to be in her crew. “Madness!” I hear you yell, “That'll never work!” However, dear reader, let me assure it does; the dance routines are nothing short of impressive. To accomplish this former “Britain's Got Talent” contestants Flawless, Diversity, George Samson and Susan Boyle (if only). As earlier tensions between the two groups subside Carly starts to have eyes for “ballet boy” Tomas. As you can imagine this romance follows the usual formula for this type of movie but again the crappy dialogue and acting from the school of stroke victims is saved only by their impressive dancing, this time on the roof of his apartment that happens to look over London as the sun comes up.

An interesting element to Streetdance is the Real 3D which is the same 3D effect that films such as Avatar and Alice in Wonderland. To be honest, it does absolutely nothing to add to the film and in some scenes, where the camera pans overhead, it causes everything to be compressed horizontally. This though for some reason made me think of the 1971 version of “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory”, which can only be a good thing right?

The whole film builds up to the climactic dance final. However, an unknown amount of days before the big night the ballet dancers are told that their Royal London Ballet auditions are on the same day! This of course causes problems and almost leaves Carly's crew, now known as Breaking Point, disqualified for not having all their members present on time but luckily Carly's co-worker Eddie jumps on stage with a boom-box (convenient much?) and surprises everyone by breaking out some “ill” moves. The biggest surprise to me though was that Carly didn't notice her co-worker was George Sampson, like c'mon, he was all over the news and surely had to take a few days off work for BGT?

Sure, there's continuity errors, horrible dialogue and the premise is about original as invading Russia during winter, but that didn't stop anyone going to see Avatar; and you'll feel less guilty about knocking one out to the lead female.

Chatroulette; A Hindsight Review.

2010-02-28T23:25:00.003Z

Chatroulette is one of the latest internet crazes. It's a lot like Omegle, in the sense that you're connected with a random stranger, but on CR your webcam and mics are connected too. Sounds like a fantastic idea alright, and it is to an extent, up until you realise that a vast majority of the users are guys wanking, looking for girls to flash them.
If you can get past seeing a numerous fwapping guys for a second at a time, some fun can be had on CR. This is a conversation I had with a guy on CR about 3 weeks ago, when the user numbers were somewhere between 3000 and 7000 (these days it just says there are ">20000 users").
To set the scene; it was about 4am GMT, I had my "The Dark Knight" Batman mask, the Joker's mask he wears during the bank robbery scene and my Ash Ketchum hat beside me.

(I'm wearing my Batman mask when it starts)

You: this city needs a hero...
Stranger: dude
Stranger: i'm so baked right now
Stranger: Thank you
You: wait
You: it gets better
Stranger: Just thank you
Stranger: YOu take it off, and you're bruce wayne!?
You: this city needs a hero against who?
You: the joker you say?
(Switch to Joker mask)
Stranger: Diabetes!
Stranger: And people say chatroulette isn't fun
You: but waith!!!
You: on thee horizon
You: who is it???
Stranger: Oh shit
You: is it?
You: it can' t be!!
You: it is !!
You: it's ....
Stranger: Not the late heath ledger?

(I put Ash's hat on)
You: ash ketchum
Stranger: Oh thank god
Stranger: Ash to save the day
You: its the joker in disguise¬!!

It was at this point that Firefox decided to crash.

As I mentioned before, there are far too many guys on CR that ask girls to flash them but this has lead to some girls deciding to draw pictures or signs in response. Below is a picture of the first girl I encountered with one such sign and, as you can see from my face, I thought this was pretty freakin' funny!

She just "nexted" me without saying anything, which just made it funnier, as she was clearly just clicking her way through CR for giggles.

It's dawned on me that in the above picture I look like I'm wearing one of those ceremonial orthodox Jewish rabbi hats as opposed to a hoody which is ironic considering I got that hoody in the Jewish district of Antwerp. Spooky.

I'll leave you all ("all" being the 10 or so people who'll read this) with another encounter that made me smile.

Pika pika!

EDIT: It was just brought to my attention by a friend that had I been wearing my Ash Ketchum hat then it'd have been a moment of pure, innocent awesomeness!

Rules Don't Stop

2010-02-25T15:41:00.000Z

Rules Don't Stop is the latest single from my favourite band We Are Scientists. It is the first single from their upcoming album, Barbara. The song got it's first radio play two days ago on Zane Lowe's Radio 1 show and as of about 10 minutes ago, it's been available to listen to on their Myspace page. Needless to say, I love it but for those of you who aren't familiar with Keith and Chris, or as big a fan and need convincing, check it out now.

Oxegen 2010 Lineup - Initial Thoughts.

2010-02-24T22:10:00.000Z

Those of you who know me, know that I adore the Oxegen festival and go every year. Should I go this year, it will be my fifth Oxegen. The lineup was announced this past week and it's garnered very mixed reactions. I've no problem as such with the acts themselves, however my only fear is that Jay-Z and, more prominently, Eminem will attract quite large numbers of scumbags. While I adore both acts and do look forward to seeing them, after experiencing the dodgey types who were there last year for the The Game( who pulled out as it happened) I am weary. Of course I'm not saying all the people going to see those acts will be troublesome, it's just that there'll inevitably be a few who'll cause hassle.

Ok, so that's the parent in me's message done, on to the rest of the lineup.

This is a list from the Oxegen site of the confirmed acts so far:

Eminem, Muse, Jay-Z, Black Eyed Peas, Kasabian, The Prodigy, Florence and the Machine, Paolo Nutini, Faithless, Stereophonics, David Guetta, Vampire Weekend, Mumford and Sons, John Mayer, Hot Chip, Calvin Harris, Newton Faulkner, Gossip, The Temper Trap, Empire of the Sun, Goldfrapp, La Roux, Wolfmother, Rise Against, The Coral, Broken Social Scene, Ellie Goulding, Two Door Cinema Club, Arkansas, Armand Van Helden, Steve Angello, Simian Mobile Disco, Erol Alkan, Steve Aoki, A-Trak and Aeroplane.

From that list the acts I definitely plan on seeing are Rise Against, Mumford and Sons, Hot Chip, Steve Aoki, Broken Social Scene, Vampire Weekend, Eminem and Jay-Z.

I'm going to presume that Florence and The Machine will be on the O2 Stage, or whatever it's called this year, on Saturday or Sunday night after playing the fantastic but frankly tiny Red Bull Stage last year.

Hot Chip and Vampire Weekend both put on impressive shows when they played the festival in 08. It's been three years since I've seen Rise Against and it'll be cool seeing one band knowing that a lot of the crowd won't be drunk as they're straight edge. That said, who's to know, or care for that matter! They put on a good show and thats the important thing.

Despite not being announced, I definitely see We Are Scientists putting in a turn on the O2 Stage over the weekend, with a new album out in June.

I reckon we'll also see Welsh singer-songwriter Marina and the Diamonds, MGMT and The Dead Weather will appear.

There'll need to be another 1 or 2 big rock names added to the list to headline the O2 Stage or even the main stage, depending on what way Jay-Z, Muse and Eminem are going to be spread across the weekend.

I look forward to meeting up with the friends I made at last year's festival too. :)

Comedian: Year One.

2010-02-18T13:42:00.002Z

February 18th 2009. I performed stand up comedy for the first time ever. Not only was this the first time I'd done stand up, but it was also the first time I'd spoken to more than maybe 10 people at once. Terrifying, to say the least. After qualifying for the final of the UCD Stands Up competition, I was so happy and on such a buzz. Such was the amazingness, I implore everyone to try stand up, even just once.

Receiving generous applause from the amazing turnout of Cavan friends. :)

February 18th 2010. I've two gigs today.One for UCD Science Day, supporting Robbie Bonham, the other in The Underground Comedy Club. As cliched as it is, if you'd told me before I went on stage in Lonegans last year of all the gigs I would do and people I'd meet, I'd have probably thought you were fucking with me to put me off.

I've had so many amazing experiences in the last year; playing the Kilkenny Fringe, being on the radio and tv, signing my first autograph. All things that no doubt seem miniscule to those who've being doing this for longer than me, but for me, who grew up essential afraid of social interactions and public speaking, it's unbelievable. As I've said on here before, comedy is the first thing I've ever done that I've been really passionate about.

There're so many people I should thank for the last year, but I don't want to do a list for fear of forgetting/offending people. However I must give huge thanks to Aidan Killian and Dave O'Gorman for helping me get started and giving me and abundance of gigs, thanks to Jarlath Regan and Fred Cooke for their constant support, advice and for being a genuine nice guys and Emily O'Hanlon for driving me around over the summer, going to more gigs than anyone and putting up with me. :)

Despite my progression in terms of confidence, I still have to get over the uncomfortable feeling of calling a a stranger on the phone. This is one thing that has definitley prevented me from getting more gigs.

I will record my set in The Underground tonight and upload it in the next few days.

Thanks guys,

Yellow Submarine tea thing!

2010-01-31T16:37:00.001Z

I was just shown this! It's a Yellow Submarine that you put tea leaves in and it acts like a tea bag of sorts. I've no idea where to get it but if anyone finds one please get me it!

The "random musings than don't warrant their own post" post. #1

2010-01-29T01:00:00.002Z

Apologies for the lack of action on here lately. College has been a bit of a mindfuck and I've had to get myself organised so as not to eff up my life. I've not done a whole pile as of late so this is just a collection of little things.

Despite listening to them on a weekly basis, I rediscovered why I love Crystal Castles so much. When you want to dance and have a right giggle, their music is perfect, but also they're so relaxing if you listen to them on a low volume while trying to sleep.
I've bought a diary. I really don't know why I didn't get one ages ago! It makes keeping track of comedy gigs and bookings so much easier and I've also incorporated it into my set.
I started running a comedy club along with two of my best mates, Jon Hozier-Byrne and Conor Barry. It's called Chairman LMAO's Comedy Blah Blah and it's on alternating Sundays in the Twisted Pepper on Middle Abbey St, Dublin. Making money from comedy is weird as it doesn't feel right getting paid to tell some jokes; nearly as if it's too easy or there's a catch or something.
At the opening night of Chairman LMAO's our sketch group made it's debut. We're called The Glen Coco Experience and the sketches were some of the most fun I've had on stage. We hope to gig as much as we can and hopefully get a name for ourselves while still pursuing our individual stand up careers, much like Foil, Arms and Hogs.
I recently support Karl Spain which brings my total of comedians from The Panel that I've supported to 2. In the next few months I'm set to support both Jason Byrne and Jarlath Regan. All in all, comedy is going well.
College, however, not so much. After getting disastrous results I felt horrible as it means my rents will have to fork out at least €500 for me to resit these. However after getting a fantastic consoling text message from my dad made me realise that there's no point getting down about the results, and while I still feel guilty over the cost, the only thing I can do is to put my head down and work so I pass everything in the Summer.
My sleep pattern is slowly getting normalised after well over a year of being out of whack.

Finally, I'll leave you with a picture I intended on posting before Christmas but forgot to. Laters!

Reterospective; The Top Five Cultural Phenomena of the Last Decade.

2010-01-07T05:06:00.002Z

Note from David: This is a guest article contributed by a close friend of mine and comedy savant , Jon Hozier-Byrne, pictured here working his magic.

It’s 2010, we are now officially in the ‘Teenies’, and what a decade the last ten years has been. This is the decade that brought us the internet, the instantaneous access of all people to all the world’s collective knowledge, and My Chemical Romance. It was the decade of Live 8, which was like Live Aid, only Freddy Mercury was dead and instead we had Coldplay. We changed the world that day, through Coldplay’s dulcid tones, and now there’s no more famine or racism or whatever that was about. Something about people clicking their fingers, I don’t really remember. Anyway, Africa was saved and now we have Barack Obama. So, here’s the top five Cultural Phenomena of the Last Decade, the top five things that will define us in the minds of our children, and in the minds of future robot historians.

5) Judd Apatow Films

Some filmmakers define a generation. The 40’s had Orson Welles. The 60’s had Alfred Hitchcock. The 80’s had that gay fella that made Top Gun. We have Judd Apatow. I know what your thinking, that I’m about to launch into a scathing, cynical, holier-then-thou rant about how Apatow films aren’t funny, that it’s just infantile, sex-obsessed pot humour, and, well, it is. But that’s what makes it brilliant. Rarely do films ever show literal dozens of drawings of penises, talk constantly about penises, and basically base the entire narrative around the protaganist’s penises (penii?). Only two films I’ve ever seen have had that kind of focus on the male member, and only one of them is readily available in Chartbusters. And only one is brilliantly funny, where as the other one makes me want to cry a little.
Apatow films have not only changed audiences, that is to say, changed our generation, they’ve changed the way films are made. Kevin Smith, who more then any other filmmaker summed up the angst of the 90s in his own unique style, made his last film to mimic an Apatow production to tempt the box office gods. Granted, his film’s have always been the place where dick jokes go to die, but this time it had the word ‘Porno’ right in the title. And these are the biggest hits of our decade - fuck ‘Rosebud’ - we’ve got McLovin.

4) Reality TV

You know what’s better then Reality TV? That’s right, nothing. Sure, ‘Celebrity Jungle Anus Eating Show’ is tropical hoot. Who doesn’t love ‘Big Brother; Balding Racist Edition’. I know nothing gets me through the cold, lonely evenings like that one ‘We Take Anorexic Bitches in Various Degrees of Undress and Make Them Prance Like Sexy Monkeys for Your Wanking Pleasure In The Misguided Hope Of Getting A Next Top Career Show’. Catchy.
To fully appreciate the 2000’s you have to watch film’s like EdTV or the Truman Show, in which the plot depicted a hellish objectification of the individual for the audience’s entertainment, and consider that when these films were made they were not meant to be a fucking satire. Now we have Flavor of Love 2, where clock enthusiast Flavor Flav must find true love - Again!

3) The Cyberweb

There are times I really think we take the Internets for granted. Instantaneous access to all the information in the world. Seriously, all of humanities accomplishments at your fingertips. And by that, I mean a wank-bucket full o’ porn. Back in the 90’s, if we wanted to see boobs, we had to work for it. Buy a deck of cards with nudey ladies on it but pretend at the till that they’re just normal cards. Staring doe eye’d at the VHS cover of Striptease in your local VideoWorld. Actually buying the Sun. But no longer. On Google, if you can spell it, it exists. You’re the boss. You say “Midgets”, and the Internet says “How high?”. You say “Underwater Amputee Lesbian Pre-op”, and sure, the Internet will feel a little dirty afterwards, but it’ll sort that shit right out. And won’t even point out that it doesn’t make sense, that’s how good a friend the Internet is.
Seriously, here is a test. Stop reading this for a second. Did you ever wonder who played Sharkboy in ‘Sharkboy and Lavagirl’? No, of course you didn’t, no-one did. But you can find out in about two seconds. Seriously, go do it. I’ll wait here. I won’t write anything funny until you get back, or, indeed, at all. Go on. … Are you back? Who played him? Actually don’t tell me, I don’t care.
But seriously, think about this for a second. No longer is intelligence defined by how much you know. If you have a laptop and can spell Wikipedia, you know everything. Intelligence is now the processing speed, the comprehension, the aplomb applied to what is now universal knowledge. The Internet changed the definition of ‘smart’. All that, and it got ‘Snakes On A Plane’ made. Surely, the Internet is some sort of Tron-like Messiah.

2) Twilight

‘There Will be Blood’? There Will be Boredom. ‘Borat’? Bore-at. ‘The Dark Knight’? The Dark… It’s boring. Forget what every other news source, publication or right-thinking man says. This is the film of the decade.
Stephanie Meyer had the unmitigated, heavy-flowing genius to re-imagine the Vampire, not as a terrifying spectre of the night, an ethereal hunters who stalks the living for his pray, but as a sparkly faggot in a tree. Edward Cullen sums up the man of the 2000’s - sensitive, emotive, and with the physique of a fourteen year old girl, the same demographic he paradoxically appeals to. He is the anti-Sparta, the antidote to macho heroes of the 80’s and 90’s - no longer does a protagonist have to tear Alan Rickman limb from limb to be an international heartthrob- he just has to climb trees really fucking fast.
At first glance, it’s difficult to see why women everywhere invest so much in this book, in particular Edward. Granted, Bella, the female protagonist, is basically a large cut-out for ‘your self-loathing face here’, but why do women find the idea of a 100 year old man creeping into your house at night and watching you sleep attractive? I’m 21, and I get nothing but hassle.
I could say that the whole phenomenon is evidence of the paradoxical alienation felt in an ever more inter-connected society, and that the personal identification of being ‘special’ and ‘unique’ bears more weight then ever before, and that it reflects an increasingly isolated female youth lost in the anxiety of a sex-crazed society, but I won’t say that. I won’t say that because that’s a load of wank and chips. It’s shite. It’s a fad, it’s yo-yo’s, it’s Yugi-Oh, it’s a third fad starting with Y. It’s the worst kind of trash, it’s emotional manipulation. On new copies of ‘Wuthering Heights’ there are now stickers saying ‘Bella and Edward’s Favourite Book’. I wish that was a fucking joke. I think in a sad, yet strangely beautiful way, this sums up our decade - trash, but bloody brilliant trash.

1) Twilight; New Moon

See above, but this time there’s fucking werewolves. You know that werewolf kid played Sharkboy out of Sharkboy and Lavagirl? I know, right? Fucked up.

Jacob, seen here with the vagina from 'Teeth' on his chest.

Riverside, muthafucka!

2010-01-06T04:44:00.004Z

On New Years Day I posted "Riverside" by Sydney Sampson. Here's where the vocal sample came from. It's from the 1992 film "Juice" starring Omar Epps (Eric Foreman in "House") and Tupac "2Pac" Shakur (not Eric Foreman in "House").

Altogether now, "Riverside, muthafucka!"

Resolutions for 2010.

2010-01-04T03:48:00.011Z

Firstly here's what I said at the beginning of 2009 and how I did:

Resolutions.

1. Become more committed and determined to projects. - Seems grammatically incorrect but anyway, I guess so. Start doing comedy and it's the only thing I've been passionate about.

2. Start to do some actual work at college. - I started busting my ass towards the end of semester two and got my GPA up but then semester one of 3rd year has been a disaster.
3. Get a job. - No, I did try but to no avail, but I guess if this comedy thing works out this might actually be achieved.

Plans
1. To buy, build and maintain my own domain name and site. - Yups!

2. Save enough money to buy an Eee PC. - Got a Samsung netbook for Christmas.
3. Clear out my room, get a new desk and wardrobe. - Eh, about that...
4. Set up an office style set-up, which instead will be used for gaming, Internet and designing. - Not as permanent a set up as I would have liked.

Now for my resolutions for 2010;

Resolutions.

Be happier.
Write and gig; Try to write new material all the time and get as many gigs wherever I can.
Again, put a real effort in at college and not waste the opportunity I'm lucky enough to have.

Plans

Make my mind up about college; decide whether to continue into 4Th year to get an honours degree and then decide about where I want to do my final year.
Try to do more modeling of any type. Even though I get really nervous, it's always something I enjoy once its over and gone well.
Tattoos! I want to get at least two, one in the next few weeks and one around my birthday

Much like last year, a litte methaphorical kick up the arse from time to time would be greatly appreciated, friends.

Modeling for the University Observer.

2010-01-02T03:51:00.007Z

Just remembered I had a virtual copy of the issue of the UCD University Observer that I modeled t-shirts in months so I thought I'd post them, just out of thanks to my friend Sean McGovern who is the fashion editor at the paper. It was loads of fun to do and I'd love to do it again. (Hint, hint Sean.)

Happy New Year!

2010-01-01T14:36:00.004Z

Had a good giggle out last night in Cavan with my besties. It was the first time I've ever seen a DJ only play music from the last decade; get with the times...

Also, is it just me or when people say "Happy New Year! Have a good one!" does it give the impression they're wishing you well for the year as if they won't see you until next year?

Bad jokes aside, my friend Eamon and I absolutely lost our shit when we got our request played.

I'll do a resolutions blog later but for now I've some sleep to catch up on.

Happy New Years chums!

The Last Decade.

2010-01-01T04:53:00.004Z

The last decade was very important for me, probably more so than any other decade in my life, for the following reasons;

Finished primary school.
Started secondary school.
Puberty happened. (Some would argue it's ongoing)
Made some amazing friends I know I'll have for life.
Discovered the world of music, something that has shaped who I am.
Finding the wonders of the internet.
Became somewhat social.
Did the Leaving Cert. and finished secondary school.
Love of comics reignited.
Fell in love with movies.
First job, working with the HSE.
Moved to Dublin to study in UCD.
Developed some confidence.
Started doing stand up comedy, the first activity I've ever felt passionate for.
I turned 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18 and 19; each being a stand out age for their own reason.
Visited France, Spain, Portugal, Belgium, Italy and England.

My Favourite Movies of the Decade.

2009-12-31T01:20:00.004Z

I decided I'd make a Top Twenty list of my favourite films that were released over the last ten years. There are probably a few films I'd have put on this list if I had seen them but there's not a lot I can do about that now, is there?

"Watch them?"
Shut up, omnipresent critical reader, you're always trying to put me down.
Without further to do, my list, which I've split into an unordered top twenty, with my favourite ten being those with a short paragraph.

Top Twenty Films of The Noughties.

Anchorman

The Departed

Sin City
Spiderman

Eternal Sunshine of The Spotless Mind

Lost In Translation

Thank You For Smoking

Shaun of the Dead

Sideways

Watchmen

Probably the least well received movie on this list, but I absolutely adored it. While the ending was different to the comic's, director Zack Snyder otherwise stayed loyal to the source. The characters are perfectly brought to life and fantastically played, with the stand out being Jackie Earle Haley's Rorschach appearing as if he'd walked straight from the pages of Alan Moore's comic to the big screen.

Casino Royale

The 21st James Bond movie saw Daniel Craig make his bow as the famous 007. Casino Royale does not continue where the other twenty left off, but rather introduces us to a new timeline in which we see Bond as he earns his license to kill. It is a far grittier and more realistic movie than any Bond outing before it and this was crucial as the series had started to become clichéd, cheesy and formulaic.

WALL-E

In 2008, the geniuses at Pixar delivered, in my opinion, their best film to date(which says something looking back at their stellar filmography). WALL-E is a waste collection robot who spends his live collecting and sorting the waste that forced human kind to abandon the Earth. WALL-E finds love in the form of EVE, a robot sent by the humans to search for living plant life. I actually challenge anyone to watch this film and not feel an overwhelming sense of childhood innocence and wonderment.

Spirited Away

Spirited Away is a 2001 release from the legendary Studio Ghibli. The story revolves around young girl as she encounters a world of ghosts and spirits while moving to a new town. It won the 2002 Oscar for Best Animated Film and is the highest grossing movie in Japanese history. The film is also hand drawn, something which is not all that common in today's world of computer generated imagery which gave the film an even more charming quality. Spirited Away is nothing short of magical and is as good as, if not better than, anything the House of Mouse have produced.

Pan's Labyrinth

Pan's Labyrinth was the most unforgettable movie of 2006. A dark and twisted fairytale set against the backdrop of the Spanish Civil War, it weaves its way through horror, fantasy and history seamlessly. Guillermo del Toro' let his imagination run free and created a visually arresting work of art. As a pure cinematic experience, it is a masterpiece.

The Dark Knight

I was going to feature Batman Begins instead because of what it did for the Batman franchise, but I couldn't leave it's 2008 sequel off this list. The Dark Knight just picked up exactly where BB let off and set the standard for not only comic book movies, but all action blockbuster movies. It showed that movies with explosion don't need to be devoid of plot, dialogue and character development (Michael Bay, I hope you're reading). Any mention of TDK isn't complete with mentioning Heath Ledger's role as The Joker which, in my opinion, is the best example of character acting ever.

The Motorcycle Diaries

The Motorcycle Diaries is a biopic based on the memoirs of Ernesto "Che" Guevara from when he travelled across South America at the age of 23. Ernesto, accompanied by his best friend Alberto Granado, see firsthand on his travels the impoverished state of the people of rural South America. The film shows the passion of a young Guevara that lead him to become the iconic revoultionary that he became. Andrew from SUPERCALIFRAGILISTICEXPIALIDOCIOUS! commented on this film 'After watching The Motorcycle Diaries, did anyone else think "Fuck, I'm wasting my life"?'

Donnie Darko

Richard Kelly’s twisted indie film Donnie Darko managed to slip under the radar in 2001 but became a hit with its DVD release and even managed to propel Gary Jules to a Christmas number one. It is a mind bending masterpiece that stays with you for a long time after you see it. Just try explaining it to your friends though.

The Wrestler

It could be argued that any of Darren Aronofsky's film made over the last decade could have featured on this list, but for me The Wrestler was his best. The story of Randy "The Ram" Robinson is one that so many real life professional wrestlers have lived, obsessing over their glory days and denying to themselves that they ever ended. This is a must see for everybody and most definitely is not just for wrestling fans.

The Lord Of The Rings

The word "epic" has become a bit of a cliché these days, but there is no better word for TLOTR trilogy. I'm including the trilogy, as last year I watched all three in one sitting and it was probably the most enjoyable ten straight hours of my life and if you ever get the chance to do it, don't hesitate to say yes! The trilogy won 17 Oscars overall, with each film winning the award for best visual effects, deservedly so as they are all stunning.

Amelié

Not only is this my favourite film of the last ten years, Amelié is my favourite movie of all time. The film centres around one of cinema's most enchanting characters Amelié Poulain (played by the mesmerising Audrey Tatou) and her journey to make people happy which, over the course of the film, causes her to fall in love. This is a film that, no matter how many times I watch it or whatever mood I am in, will always leave me with a great feeling of happiness and satisfaction. Lastly, the soundtrack, composed by the wonderful Yann Tiersen, is an absolute classic.

There you have it, a no doubt, highly disagreed upon list. I'd like to thank Aidan Greene for helping me get this done by the end of the year.

Interview with George Michael.

2009-12-24T23:49:00.006Z

I recently had the privilege of interviewing George Michael. As it is Christmas I decided to ask George about the class "Last Christmas"

Me: So George, is there any deeper meaning to the song or is it just a song of love and heartbreak?

George: Actually Dave, sorry, is it okay if I call you Dave?

Me: Well I'd really rather you didn't...

George: Well Dave, "Last Christmas" is really about an unfortunate accident that lead to a man dying and his family donating his heart to a girl on Christmas Day. However, her body rejects the heart and she too passes away and the heart is then donated to another person. The entire ordeal is narrated by the spirit of the heart's original owner.

Me: I see, I see. What about the more romantic lines such as "I wrapped it up and sent it with a note saying "I Love You" I meant it."?

George: True story actually, Andrew (Ridgeley) once sent a sheep's heart with a love letter to a girl he saw on the bus once.

Me: Wow! Was it over things like this that lead to leaving Wham?

George: Sort of. As I've stated before, I wanted to make music for a more adult, sophisticated audience and Andrew wanted to continue targeting teenagers, both musically and sexually.

Me: I think we shall leave it there. Thank you very much for your time sir!

George: Don't mention it Dave!

George Michael: May or may not have participated in this interview.

The Spirit of Christmas is dead?

2009-12-19T00:40:00.007Z

I was walking home from getting a late bite to eat with my friend Conor earlier on tonight when I notice two ladies crossing the road to my side. As I walk down the road one of the two ladies shouts to a passing car,

"Are you looking, love?"
Now, I must say that I didn't immediately think that they were hookers when I saw them for the simple reason that I didn't think they came in pairs (or should that be pretend to come?). I must say that Conor lives in a very nice and posh part of Dublin, it just happens to be a preferred spot for those on the game.
Back to me walking down the road! I pass the two women and the following conversation happened;

Hooker : "How're you tonight dear?"
Me : "I'm pretty good, and yourselves?"
Hooker : "Are you looking for some business?"
Me : "I'm afraid I'm not. Sorry!"
Hooker :"That's all alright. Take care love!"
Me : "Same to you. Have a nice night."
Hooker : "You too!"

So as you can see it was all very pleasant and polite, as all refused sexual transactions should be. However, I remembered Conor pointing out two Gardaí just before we got to his place. I call back to the prostitutes.
Me : "Eh, excuse me, sorry!"
Hooker : "Yeah?"
Me : "There are two Gardaí around that corner just so you know."
Hooker : "Aww, thanks very much love, that was very kind of you."
And with that they crossed back over the road and headed off into the snowy night as I continued home content in the knowledge I kept someone from spending Christmas in a jail cell. We can only imagine the fun, magical and mysterious adventure they're on right now.

Like this, only sluttier.

Although it's probably a safe bet to assume that it involves some chap's bell end tickling their tonsils.
People say the spirit of Christmas is dead; not on my watch it is.

"Lessons Learned" - Matt and Kim

2009-12-16T22:28:00.004Z

"And so I stayed up all night
Slept in all day
This is my sound
Thinking about tomorrow won’t change how I feel today."

Pretty much me at the moment!

The messed up sleep/all over the place part, not the streaking tendencies...

Best Movies of the 2000's - My shortlist.

2009-12-10T14:56:00.008Z

This is my list of films that I will be considering for my list of the top ten, possibly top twenty, of the last ten years. Please leave your suggestions and opinions in the comments section below. The final list will be posted this day week!

300
8-Mile
Amélie
American Psycho
Anchorman
Batman Begins
Bourne Trilogy
Casino Royale
Cast Away
Catch Me If You Can
City of God
Cloverfield
The Dark Knight
The Departed
Donnie Darko
Eternal Sunshine of The Spotless Mind
Fantastic Mr. Fox
Garden State
Gladiator
Harry Potter series
Hellboy
Howl's Moving Castle
Juno
Kill Bill I
Lars and The Real Girl
The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou
Little Miss Sunshine
The Lord Of The Rings Trilogy
Lost In Translation
Me and You and Everyone We Know
Mean Girls
Memento
Motorcycle Diaries
Napoleon Dynamite
No Country for Old Men
The Notebook
Pan's Labrynth
Oceans 11
Oldboy
Requiem For A Dream
Shaun of the Dead
Sideways
Speed Racer (happy Eamon?)
Spiderman
Spirited Away
The Spongebob Squarepants Movie
Star Trek
Thank You For Smoking
Up
Wall-E
Watchmen
The Wrestler
Zoolander

Again, please feel free to leave suggestions and opinions in the comments sections.

David "Nationwide (for a minute)" Reilly Vs. Megan "The Most Hated Family in America" Phelps-Roper

2009-12-08T01:44:00.015Z

Recently the wonderful Mr. Kevin Smith was poking fun at Megan Phelps-Roper over Twitter so I went on to her Twitter page to see her responses. I noticed something that annoyed me a bit so I replied to her questioning it. The following are the screen grabs of our back and forth.

First however, I'll just explain who this girl is, she is the granddaughter of the head of the infamous Westboro Baptist Church, Fred Phelps. The Phelps family were featured on Louis Theroux's television show "The Most Hated Family in America" and are known for they're condemnation of homosexuality, Judaism, Catholicism, USA, Ireland and Sweden as well as picketing military funerals. Most Calvinists and Baptist regard Phelps's church as a cult.

I must note that it is not the aim of my comments to Megan Phelps-Roper to call into question the Protestant faith but to object to her ignorance and narrow-mindedness. I myself am a Catholic, a church with a ridiculous amounts of problems I know, but above all else I believe that people should treat others with love and respect and it is this belief that lead to me to objecting Phelps-Ropers statements.

Finally, I MAY have gone a tad overboard with my last comment, so I do apologise if it causes any offence to readers, that is never my intention.

I should note that it was here she stopped replying to me, but she did continue to reply to others. She then tweeted the following;

To which I suggested;
Perhaps a little much but she truly is a vile, hateful person. I'd like to say a thanks to anyone supported me on twitter.

So that's my little rant over! It'll be back to the lighthearted stuff from here on out!

My new doggie!

2009-12-06T03:01:00.003Z

He helps me find puzzles and save babies in trees and rescue cats from wells and put out fires and brushes my teeth and tidies my flat and buys all my food and fixes my bike and scares away drug addicts and prostitutes and tucks me in a night and has a USB 2.0 port and a 1Tb hard drive so I can store lots and lots of songs on him and he makes sure I'm always on time because he is awesome. He is Dogpoop.

One of the all time greats...

2009-11-27T03:38:00.001Z

...shows up a trash talking fan! :)

Sorry guys for all the Youtube videos in the last few days, I just wanted to get the Thierry Henry post moved to the 2nd page so it wouldn't be the first thing visitors saw. All will be back to normal soon. :)

Happy Thanksgiving!

2009-11-26T02:30:00.001Z

So as I said I was supposed to be part of the colab video AceNichols33 made for Thanksgiving but I hadn't time to record my part.
I had some spare time earlier so I decided to film a quick video. I'm not laughing at the end, it's more a smile of embarrassment at the joke. :)

The Muppets: Bohemian Rhapsody

2009-11-24T20:26:00.001Z

Quick equation.

The Muppets + Anything = 100000(Anything)(Better)

WWE Smackdown Vs. Raw 2010 Ad.

2009-11-24T03:14:00.002Z

I love this trailer, it reminds me of the the old Smackdown 2 ads with The Rock and Kurt Angle. Kofi's face is fantastic as he rushes to help Kelly.
The best part of trailer, in my opinion, is John Cena's "OH COME ON!". As much as I dislike Cena's in ring character, I've a huge admiration for his work ethic and dedication to his profession.

Besides the fantastic advert, I'm looking forward to getting that. After a steep decline since 'WWE Smackdown! Here Comes The Pain', last years edition was a welcomed improvement so hopefully this year they'll continue with last years progress.

IKea-d you'd not, swedish furniture stores rock!

2009-11-23T20:06:00.006Z

I recently went to the Republic of Ireland's first IKEA store out in the beautiful Dublin suburb of Ballymun*

*More hyperbole than has every been used ever before.

Long story short, I love IKEA. Rather than talk about the furniture et al, which is the same the world over, I'd like to thank the staff.

For what?

For not giving a fuck about what we did!

Ladies and gentleman, I present to you a picture of all the free pencils I took in the 2-3 hour time period I was there.

The above is exactly 140 pencils and 3 pens!

"KNACKER!" I hear you yell, but I've two very solid defences.

1.) When in Rome! (or Ballymun rather)
2.) I'm from Cavan, when we see free shit we take as much of it as possible.

There, two defences that would hold up in any court in the land!

Oh, yeah I bought a table too. Thought you'd like to know.

EXCLUSIVE! THIERRY HENRY IN POO PORN SHOCKER!

2009-11-18T23:46:00.004Z

Guys and girls, coincidentally and conveniently after he cheated Ireland out of a World Cup spot, a picture of Thierry Henry partaking in some highly questionable acts have emerged. It is 100% legit and is in no way a bitter photoshopping on my part...

Shocking, I know!

Wish Me Luck.

2009-11-18T18:10:00.002Z

While I should probably announce this on the actually <419 site, I get more traffic here so it seemed like the best option.

I've decided to write a <419 book. Well more "illustrate" a <419 book. I'm using inverted commas as I hardly consider myself as an illustrater or even a semi-competent drawer. Anyhoo, I've not 100% decided upon a title or theme of the book but for the moment it will be called "50 Ways To Break Up With Your Partner (Without Them Knowing)"

With exams and projects, it'd be unrealistic of me to thing I'll get this started in the next 3-4 weeks but while I'm off for a month after Christmas I will be hopefully hammering my way through like a coked up blacksmith.

Keyboard cat pops up on RTEs 'The Frontline'

2009-11-10T15:54:00.000Z

David Reilly: The Drinking Game!

2009-11-06T23:34:00.006Z

Today I learned that some girls I met a few weeks ago at a Trinity residences ball now have a drinking game named in my honour. This is how it was described to me, direct copy and paste:

marcus olaoire says:
someone shouts DAVID REILLY
and they have to create a visual representation of your hair
last one to do it drinks

I think it's an achievement, I'm up there with Sting and Eddie Murphy in one respect now at least.

But I will not be responsible for anything like the above happening.

I am flattered though. :)

EDIT: I'd like to point out the lovely irony in naming a drinking game after someone who is edge!

Teh Internetz knows my name lulz

2009-11-04T16:29:00.006Z

Popped on to Youtube just there to see how many views my UCD Life videos had gotten so far. As I typed in my name Youtube suggest 'David Reilly Stand Up'. Needless to say I find this pretty deadly! :D

So then I decided to see if Google would be the same, seeing as they own Youtube. The results were a little weird and lead me to think I either have some sort of super secret, super large following somewhere, perhaps a cult deep in South America, or else I need a new stage name as there are far too many comedians going by David Reilly.

I know that near 99% of those 51000 results no doubt have nothing to do with me, but to all those who have acknowledged my online presence by following me on Twitter, Youtube or here, I offer you my most sincerest thanks and gratitude.

My UCD Life Episodes 3 and 4

2009-11-02T13:12:00.001Z

My UCD Life

2009-10-27T20:36:00.002Z

I've been recruited on to the UCD Video Squad, a position which requires me to make a series of videos about my life in UCD (University College Dublin for those of you not from Ireland, and by 'those of you' I mean 'both of you'). The idea is that our videos will be uploaded onto the UCD website so prospective students will get an idea about life in UCD. I've decided to post the first two of my videos here before they go up on the university's website. Enjoy!

Pull your punches perhaps?

2009-10-27T17:58:00.004Z

Just saw the below advert on Facebook and it struck me as amazingly controversial.

I know, you're thinking "Yeah, it's a seasonally relevant ad; the type I've come to expect on social networking sites. What's your point David? Well??" Well hypothetical passive aggressive reader my point lies not in the advert itself, but, rather in the photograph in the ad.

Sure the guy has a very pronounce chin and indeed a very large, wall-like forehead. You could go so far as to say his ears are a little on the big side and that his cheek bones pose a threat to anyone in his vicinity when he turns around. But that is no reason for the people who commissioned the advert to draw notice to these harrowing facial features by comparing him to Frankenstein's monster. For shame.

"But the bolts in Frankenstein's neck, surely those signify that it's all a gentle and playful advertising campaign?"

Well to you my dear and equally hypothetical sympathising reader, that is where the advertisers have really gone to town on this poor man. Underneath the collar of his jumper are two bolt shaped tumours, one on either side of his neck. Yes, tumours. Still think it's a playful, harmless advert? Want to know who most certainly doesn't think so? Tumour neck up there.

Green Man

2009-10-23T23:58:00.010+01:00

For fans of the TV show "It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia" you will no doubt know and love Green Man. For those who aren't aware of the show, Green Man is the alter ego of bar janitor Charlie. He has a tendency to pop up at the most random moments and is one of my favourite characters on television. So I thought for Halloween I'd buy myself a green morph suit and dress up as him. I got my suit in the post today so as soon as I got home I had to try it on!

Green Man sound bite It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia sound bites

Eh, I'd rather not thanks!

2009-10-16T22:27:00.001+01:00

So, I just saw this ad on Wrestlezone and was very, VERY disturbed by it.

Everyone has seen a 6 pack or in some cases and 8 pack (see: John Morrison) but who among us has previously seen the above. To me it looks as if he is about half a second from having a baby alien burst from his stomach.
It may just be me but I'd rather stay scrawny and weak than have a body that looked as if some one had vacuum packed me with left over bits of a pork.

Also what is with those two veins coming from from his crotch? Don't act like you've not noticed them.

Despite the ad saying not to waste money on protein powders or creatine, the side the ad links to sells (not free! The Internet lying? Whodathunkit!) some fat burning crap that I wasn't too bothered reading about.

Finally, how smug does that fucker look!? "Ooohh look at me! Look at my freakish abs and veins! I am the hawttest guy around! Sure I can no longer maintain an erection. But hell, with my downward pointing nipples and ring-pull belly button, I'm the happiest man around, way happier than you normal guys with your normal bodies and your veins that just pump blood, not liquid suppressed shame like mine!'

And now for...

THE OBLIGATORY CHEESY JOKE.

"I got ripped in four weeks!"
"More like ripped OFF!"
/snare rimshot
/muffled cough
/tumbleweed

Update!

2009-10-08T10:02:00.003+01:00

I've not got a chance to post anything in the last month because of college work (ghey) and a deadly amount of comedy gigs(yay).

I WILL post more often.

Next up will be another installment of Diary of a (War)crack Addict. Check out parts 1 and 2 here and here!

In the mean time keep up with me on twitter.

Happy happy happy!

2009-08-27T20:50:00.006+01:00

The below is a site I just came across that made me giggle like the proverbial schoolgirl! The URL looks a bit suspect, I know, but it's not harmful. Do check it out! :)

http://www.libo.ru/i447.html

If you don't giggle a little, you are a heartless monster!

EDIT: I'd advise you open the link by right clicking and selcting 'Open in new tab/window' so as to avoid the advertising bar from this site. :)

Clare Island

2009-08-22T00:26:00.002+01:00

I spent the last six days on Clare Island, which is an awesome wee island of about 120ish people of the west coast of Ireland. I had insane fun with Marcus, Adam, Will, Laura and Aoishe and our islander chums Joanne, Saoirse Bob, Brian, Marian, Matthew, James and of course Eoin.

The below is just a snippet of what we got up to. Photos will follow once I find my USB SD card adapter!

Movie Madness update.

2009-08-03T02:05:00.003+01:00

A long overdue update of the films I've seen from this list.

All the Rockys
Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas
The first 3 Rambos
Fargo
Independence Day
Trainspotting
Dawn of The Dead (2005)
Casino
North By Northwest

Pathetic I know, and I've spent far too many nights doing nothing or watching forgettable movie. As I will more than likely be living alone this coming college year, I'll get loads of time to watch the rest of the movies on the list.

2009-07-22T02:14:00.004+01:00

Love this picture so much, it's almost a physical love.

Diary of a (War)crack Addict. #2

2009-07-21T05:18:00.008+01:00

First of let me just say the reason it's taken me over 2 weeks to post another 'Diary of a (War)crack Addict' is because of the 174678 patches I've had to download. Everytime I open WoW I was told I need to download a patch. These patches were to get me from what I think was version 3.0something of the game to the current 3.2 version. However at about version 3.1.0something, after numerous 9 hour patches, it decided that that would do and I'd actually be allowed to play the game.
I went to Blizzard's EU website and upgraded my account to the Burning Crusade expansion. (Thanks very much again to Remi Rockit for her being her usual helpful self.) Having two new races available to me I chose the 'baddie' of the two new options, the blood elf.

P.I.M.P

The above chap is my Mage Blood Elf. He is currently at level 4 after a few embarrassing deaths to some Tenders and a fence post (well at least that's how it looked from my angle.)
As I said in the first edition of this 'Diary' this was not going to be a record of what happens in the game, more my take on the games effect on my social life, sleeping pattern, general health etc. I just stopped playing for the night and it's 5.30am I've spent the last 4 days dosed with a horrible prick of a cold which I've still to fully recover from and I've a very busy 2 weeks ahead including a wedding and a comedy show. Soooo, all in all, WoW has so far only become a minor hindrance in my plan to fix my sleep pattern to one which is somewhat sociable in GMT.

On that note I shall go to World of Dreamcraft.

I mean bed; I shall go to bed.

Knight!

I mean night; night!

Quick question folks.

2009-07-17T04:47:00.002+01:00

Who took this picture??

Ireland's Eye: Ensuring the survival of Irish stereotypes...

2009-07-17T04:11:00.006+01:00

...one, lonely, old potato farmer at a time.

Next, they'll be making out we've a fondness for the drink!

Wotcha gonna do brutha?

2009-07-16T17:14:00.003+01:00

I'm going to enjoy my tea from an awesome Hulk Hogan mug is what!

Suspicious eh?

2009-07-16T16:56:00.004+01:00

This is a screen grab I took a day or two before going to Oxegen so apologies for it being delayed. It's the Last.Fm homepage and it shows who most users are listening to. Now, as you can clearly see Mr. Michael Jackson is (was) the top most played artist or the day or whatever time period they base their numbers from. This is of course understandable as he had died the week previous, and it was sort of a big deal.
However, the little red bit on the artists' picture says 'On Tour' and is displayed if a band or singer is, obviously enough, on tour. Now, as can be seen from above MJ is currently touring, despite, well, 'pining for the fjords'.
This does however confirm the rumours that MJ shall be touring in the form of the infamous Thriller zombie.

Oxegen 2009 - The Good, The Bad and The Muddy.

2009-07-13T18:28:00.011+01:00

Oxegen 2009 was my fourth consecutive Oxegen festival. In order to avoid a huge wall of text I'm going to review it in bullet points under three headings.

The Good

Getting to the campsite and setting up in good weather.
AC/DC tribute band Hells Bells playing the Thursday night stage.
The Xbox Live stage in the Blue Campsite.
Niall Gaffney's childlike excitement towards returning to Oxegen.
"I'm sorry, I thought this was America"
"I like your schtyle!"
"So basically, we're lucking for trouble."
Having an awesomely warm and dry tent.
Having awesomely warm and dry tent mates!
'Free' stuff.
Pendulum playing Master Of Puppets.
Charming some free Ben & Jerry's
Good nights of sleep.
Showering.
Meeting people from all over the place especially Tyrone (Sean, Shauna and Hannah) and Belfast (Sophia, Meabh and of course Max)
Trip into Naas and associated 'free' bowl and salt shaker.
Chancey Tent.
The relationship between Ken and Ferghal.
Getting recognised by a random Londoner as 'David Reilly the Comedian!!'
Seeing my friend Jon Hozier-Byrne's brother Andrew play the IMRO Stage.
Seeing The Killers play songs from Hot Fuss.
The random sunny intervals.
Not having to worry about tents or bags on Sunday.
Mud fights.
Learning how to make the Blood symbol.
The guy in the horse mask doing the 'look'.
Experiencing Of Montreal's show.
Toplessness.
Dancing to Song 2 in my boxers with Conor.
Meeting Conor and Ken just as the "Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaahhh!" from Sabotage by The Beastie Boys kicked in during The Bloody Beetroots.
Niall's return from Naas Hospital.
The Frothy Gashes were the band of the weekend. Followed by The Bloody Beetroots or Of Montreal.

The Bad

The rain.
Sunburn.
The toilets.
Niall refracturing his leg.
Over abundance of chavs, knackers, scumbags, skangers, scobes, spidies, pillheads etc.
Festival virgins shouting "It's Oxegen!!" whenever anyone did anything sensible like sleep.
Sleeping on a rock.
Getting soaked going to the Schuh Welly Exchange only to find it to be closed.
Being three minutes from meeting Maximo Park but being too pissed off about the Schuh tent to wait.
Ladyhawke getting sick. (Swine Flu or the good AIDS I reckon)
The Game cancelling (Shot no doubt)
People losing phones and cameras.
Overcrowded tents.
Knackbags acting the prick during The Gaslight Anthem waiting for The Game.
Getting headbutted at Pendulum.
Scumbags moshing. They don't know how to. If someone falls down, you let them up, not swing kicks at them.
Hearing The Killers play songs from their second and third album.
Not meeting more Tweeple or friends from Kilkenny or Dublin.
Dropping medication on the Dance Hall's floor and having to take it anyway.
Missing some great bands due to clashes or weather; Mars Volta, Regina Spektor, Nick Cave and The Bad Seeds, Digitalism to name a few.
Not being able to find my tent, regardless of time of day.
Being chased by a security guard for peeing on a fence while trying to put it away without peeing on myself or catching myself in the zip.
Foals not playing Hummer.
Constantly being asked for 'yokes', pills or E's.

The Muddy

Anto Lynch
Conor Kelly
Brendan McKiernan
Emma Finch
Ferghal Hand
Hannah Tyrone
James Henry
Joseph O'Sullivan
Ken Ryan
Leanne Brady
Louise O'Malley
Lucy Doyle
Marcus Sheridan
Maxine Clarke
May Belfast
Niall Gaffney
Niall Murray
Oisin Henry
Oisin McDonnell
Rob Hand
Robbie Kane
Sam Moore
Sarah Reilly
Sean Tyrone
Shauna Tyrone
Sophia Connolly
Sorcha Almond-Murray
Tereas Cronin
Me :)

All in all, it was an enjoyable year. Out of the four I've been to, I'd rank it in third place ahead of 2007, and behind 2006 and 2008.Will I go back next year? Can't say for sure, but no doubt, like every year, I'll change my mind 418 times before next July.

Diary of a (War)crack Addict. #1

2009-07-04T01:27:00.010+01:00

I used to make fun of my friend Eamon for playing the MMORPG World of Warcraft. However due to my status as an unemployed and unpaid comedian I started to become a little interested in WoW. One day I received an email from Eamon containing a '10-day free trial'. I decided to download the trial but when I went to play it I misread something a thought the trial didn't work. Seeing this as a sign I concluded that I wouldn't try it again.
How wrong I was.

After my friend Jane tweeted asking for people to play WoW with her I decided I'd give it another go, this time at least I'd have someone to help me start it off so I'd know what to do. So I set about creating a character named Daithí. He is a Tauren Druid, as I'm sure you could all tell from the picture below.

Awesome, no?

Aaaaaaaaaaaaand I've pretty much been hooked since!

I originally planned on not buying the game after my trial expired.
But like most thing I decide not to buy, I bought it. But I didn't just buy the game, I bought the World of Warcraft Battle Chest which contains the game, and expansion pack and two guides, all for the humble price of €18.

So, the aim of my 'Diary of a (War)crack Addict' posts will not be to document how I'm doing and needless boring any readers, but will rather to document the effect WoW may possible take on different aspects of my life, be it social, health, mental or what have you. And of course, if I encounter any proper nerdy losers (pot/kettle anyone?) while playing I will be sure to mention* them here.

*read = make jokes at their expense

Be sure to read part two of Diary of a (War)crack Addict here!

Laugh Out Loud at Anseo 2: Electric Boogaloo.

2009-07-04T01:20:00.005+01:00

My stand up comedy appearance at Anseo on Camden St. Dublin on June 29th.

Screw Iran, THIS is conflict.

2009-06-28T19:05:00.009+01:00

In recent weeks most of the news media has been primarily concerned with the controversial re-election of Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and the subsequent street protests, violence and deaths. Due to restricted foreign media within Iran, sites such as YouTube and Twitter are proving to be alternative, unbiased news sources.
However, without taking from the problems in Iran, there is an issue much closer to home that I feel needs as much, if not more press coverage.

'Shit-your-pants terrifying' - One local politician's take on the situation.

Yes that is right folks. The seemingly ongoing row over turf cutting rights has indeed heated up again. Who this row is between is unknown to me. I did try and research the story, but unfortunately the article was too boring to comprehend, I will wait for the inevitable big budget Hollywood adaptation, hopefully directed by Micheal Bay or Oliver Stone.

Apocalypse Next Tuesday Or Whenever Suits You.

2009-06-25T17:15:00.000+01:00

Birthday Vlog.

2009-06-23T02:50:00.003+01:00

Narcissism or Self-Deprecation.

2009-06-18T02:19:00.002+01:00

Lies.

2009-06-17T00:58:00.001+01:00

I think I'll stop making films for a while, they seem to be rapidly getting worse.

Ooh, All The Juicy Bits Left In!

2009-06-14T22:30:00.006+01:00

This is my latest short, that YouTube felt the need to disable the audio on, so i'll host it here too.

Winter In Reno

2009-06-13T04:28:00.003+01:00

I don't feel I could explain anything that the title doesn't already.

Not the Bee all and end all...

2009-06-12T14:03:00.004+01:00

Moments ago, ladies and gentleman, I went through somewhat of an ordeal. I was going about my business in the bathroom, as one does, when a bee flew in the window. Now, not wanting to get stung while, well you know, so I didn't make any sudden movements. When I was ready (hands washed), I prepared to do battle. I took a towel an twisted it into the form known as a 'rat tail' and faced my striped foe.
Not wanting to spend much time with it, I waited until the bee came to a stop on the window. I twirled the towel some more and flick my wrist, hoping to deal a killer blow. A killer blow was indeed struck, but alas, it was a death knell to mum's vase that sat on the window sill. As the vase crashed of the cistern and to the floor, the potted plant in was home to flew through the air, landing at my feet.
I looked at the destruction I had caused, then stared intently at the bee as it mocked me. Not wanting to have broken the vase in vain, I twirled the towel again and flicked me wrist. Bulls eye. This first strike did not kill my adversary, only riling it more. I continued my attack, assuming a fencing style of striking and bouncing backwards on the balls of my feet.

After what I had thought was the final strike I left to get my phone to document the chaos. When I returned I poked the dead bee with the corner of the towel. Before I made contact though, my fallen foe lifted a leg/arm as if to say 'No more sir. Let me go honourably, alone with just my thoughts to sooth me'.
It was at this moment I felt a pang of remorse and empathy. What had I done? Had this bee just gone on a early afternoon flight, perhaps to look for work or a new home for his family who had grown weary of hive life and wanted a more relaxed pace of life? As these thoughts buzzed around my head, I slowly cleaned up and left my respected foe to feel the sweet embrace of death as he thought of his loved ones.

Bumble B. Buzzington

2009-2009

May he rest in peace.

Om Nom Nom!!

2009-06-12T05:09:00.003+01:00

Insomnia + Paper I Found While Tidying + Half A Bag Of Gummy Snakes I Felt Too Sick To Eat =

Phish Guts Shake.

2009-06-10T21:45:00.006+01:00

Third milkshake in three days. I'm quite impressed at myself:)

Ingredients:

- Milk
- Vanilla ice cream
- Ben & Jerry's Phish Phood
- Cadbury's Turkish Delight
Steps:

-Claire Richards

Add 500ml of milk to the blender.
Then add 6-8 squares of Turkish Delight.
Blend for about 30 seconds to break the chocolate up well enough.

-Faye Tozer

Now add three scoops of vanilla ice cream and two scoops of Phish Phood.
Blend!

-Lisa Scott-Lee

Test it.
It may need to be blended a bit for to get that milkshake constituency. If so...
Blend!

-Lee Latchford-Evans

I managed to get two servings out of the measurements I used.
Top with two slivers of Ben & Jerry's and one sliver of vanilla, and sprinkle with some Flake.
The name comes from the little bits of red turkish floating about and the dismember chocolate phish from the B&J.

-Ian 'H' Watkins

A bit like yesterday's shake, the chocolate tends to get into the little crevices of the the blender so you may have to disassemble it to fully clean it. Just watch out H almost lost a finger on the blender blades. Twat.

Note: I originally thought this recipe would be suitable for vegetarians, but after some research, Cadbury's Turkish Delight appears to be veggie friendly.

Thanks muchly!

Uncle Raspberry's Riproaring Good Time and Chocolate Chip Experience !

2009-06-09T17:51:00.008+01:00

I continued my productive ways and decided to make to have another crack at making a milkshake.

Ingredients:
-Milk
-Raspberry Ripple ice cream
-Chocolate chip cookies

Despite not being a fan of measurements or specifics I did note them in case anyone wanted them

Steps:

-Claire Richards

Add 500ml of milk to the blender.
Then add 5 cookies, breaking them once or twice before putting them in.
Blend!

Yummy, eh?

-Faye Tozer

Now add two large slices or three scoops of raspberry ice cream.
Blend!
Blend for about 30 seconds to fully homogenise the mixture.

-Lisa Scott-Lee

Test it.
If it's too runny, add another scoop/slice of ice cream.
Blend!

-Lee Latchford-Evans

By now it should be finished.
Serve in a large glass and top with a little bit of ice cream and some crumbled cookies.

Cookies yet to be added; Latchford-Evans slacking.

-Ian 'H' Watkins

There's a bit more effort invloved in cleaning the blender due to renegade lumps of cookie and ice cream. Buy it's cool, because that's what H is for.

Thanks for reading! :)

Coffee Milkshake!

2009-06-08T22:17:00.011+01:00

For those who hate coffee, stop gagging. It's nice!

Ingredients:
-Vanilla Ice Cream
-Coffee (granulated)
-Sugar
-Milk

Not pictured: a cup of hope.

Don't ask me for measurements because I just threw what I felt was the right amount into my smoothie maker.

Steps:

-Claire Richards

Place a good bit of milk in the blending device.
Add two or three spoons of coffee depending on preference.
Blend for a few seconds until the coffee is dissolved and the milk has turned a healthy brown colour

-Faye Tozer

Add 3 scoops of vanilla ice cream and one spoon of sugar.

And blend!

Thumbs up indeed!

-Lisa Scott-Lee

At this stage I did a test. It was a bit runny. So...
MORE ICE CREAM
For some reason I felt the need to add more coffee and sugar. Absolutely no need as it tasted fine.
Then blend!
It was a bit thick this time, so I added a drop of milk and then blend for 4-5 seconds.

-Lee Latchford-Evans

Serve in a large Oxegen cup.
Sprinkle some Flake on the top of it.
And there you have it. Done. Finito. QED.

-Ian 'H' Watkins

Yeah, well I was never a huge H fan so lets leave him with the cleaning up. :)

Thanks for reading, folks!

Kilkenny Fringe Festval blog post...

2009-06-02T22:46:00.001+01:00

...will be up in a day or two when I get my hands on some more photos.

Laugh Out Loud at Anseo,

2009-04-28T16:37:00.002+01:00

Omegle Conversation

2009-04-14T00:30:00.002+01:00

Connecting to server...
Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: hi!
Stranger: u a woman?
You: not yet
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

That's what he gets!

Wrestlemania XXV Review!

2009-04-07T00:04:00.009+01:00

So WWE Wrestlemania XXV was one April 5Th 2009.

I watched with my friends Marcus and Adam, and yes that does matter!
I'm going to do play by play review, but more opinion.

It was due to start at midnight and at like 25.45 we find out that one of the most anticipated matches was moved to a pre-show match, which was frankly bullshit.

As I can't give an opinion of the match, I'll just say that The Colóns beat Miz and Morrison to unify the Tag Team Championships.

Money In The Bank Ladder Match:

This match has become a staple for excitement and unpredictability. This year's entrants were Kane, CM Punk, Christian, Kofi Kingston, MVP, Shelton Benjamin, Mark Henry, Finlay and a crazy amount of ladders. Like every year, this match was a spotfest!
However, the pizza guy arrived during this match and I missed Benjamin's leap off the 25ft ladder. /humpf

I thought Kofi and Benjamin were really fantastic, with all competitors putting in a good show.

CM Punk won the bout for the second successive year. Now I am happy he won, as I'm a huge Punk mark, but I thought Benjamin or Christian would have been better choice to win.

RATING: 9/10

Kid Rock
needs to die.

Battle Royale:
25 Divas 'brawling'. It was so messy, but it was cool seeing Torrie Wilson again.

SantinA Marrello won!

RATING:2/10

Chris Jericho V Roddy Piper, Jimmy Snuka and Ricky Steamboat

Very happy Jericho picked up all three pinfalls cleanly. Steamboat was better than Flair was in his last few years in the ring. The Mickey Rourke involvement was a let down. Very brief considering the weeks of build up.

RATING: 6/10

Jeff Hardy V Matt Hardy:

This was a very good match, with both brothers going all out. Seemingly Jeff botched something on a ladder, but I missed it I think. I liked the ending. I don't think Jeff will be able to sit down for quite a while. The Twist of Faith with Jeff's head in the chair was SICK. So cool!
Very happy Matt won as it boosts his standings imo.

RATING: 8/10

Rey V JBL:

Rey's outfit was awesome; a Heath Ledger Joker style mask and clothes.
Rey beats JBL in 21 seconds to win the Intercontinental title.
JBL then quits!
I really dislike JBL but he deserved a better retirement than getting squashed.

RATING: 2/10

Undertaker V HBK:

Oh. My. GOD! This was one of the best matches I've ever seen. I don't like HBK but I'm not evening considering that. Both he and Taker, despite being in their forties, showed all the boys in the back how to tell a story in the ring, how to get the crowd on their feet, how to entertain and how to put on true 5 star wrestling match.

In one word, wow!

'Taker's streak is intact at 17-0!

RATING: 10/10

Triple Threat Match: Edge(c) vs. John Cena vs. Big Show

Gash. That's what this match was for the most part. John Cena's entrance was epic, as is expected of him at 'Mania. However, why doesn't anyone else in the match get a big, fancy entrance?
Anyhoo, Cena pretty much controlled the match. Edge, despite being champ, got very little offense in. Big Show, who I wanted to win, was his usual reliable self.
Cena wins the strap after impressively lifting both Big Show and Edge on his back, which I believe is over 45 stone.
Cena winning was the obvious outcome. I would have like Show to win as it'd be nice to see a change at the top. Or maybe Edge winning discarding Vickie in the process.

RATING: 6/10

Triple H V Orton:

Orton should have won. They built him this legit menace and threat with two great lackeys in the form of Priceless; they didn't even make an appearance during the match. The quality of the match was good, it always was going to be, it was just the style in which the outcome occurred.
It was fairly straight forward in terms of a PPV main event finish, but this was 'granddaddy of them all', they should have thrown a curveball on this one.
RATING: 7/10

Highlights:

Shelton Benjamin's 25-30 ft leap in the MiTB match. Despite missing it live, I watched it today and was very impressed. They really need to build him up this year and pull the trigger on him in next year's MiTB.

Undertaker's dive out of the ring, annihilating the cameraman. Also Marcus had fallen asleep so when I shout 'HE'S KILLED THE CAMERAMAN!', Marcus wakes up and says (iirc) 'Why did he kill him?!'. Awesomes.

Stone Cold's final beer. Stone Cold zooms around the ring on a farm quad before drinking a few beers in the ring like he only he can. End of an era. One of the greatest ever to step in a ring.

Lowlights

Moving the Tag Team Unification match to pre-show. Leaving four of the most talented young guys of the main card is a travesty, especially to John Morrison. The man is a guaranteed future World Champion!

The complete disrespect to ECW. It speaks volumes of how much Vince cares about ECW. The brand champion, Jack Swagger, wasn't on the card at all. Again, this is a guy they hope will be a face of the company in years to come.

Kid Rock. The fact that their wasn't a angel, watching him from above, armed with a sniper rifle and eager to impress millions of people worldwide.

Jerry Lawlor : 'Rey's outfit must be a tribute to Heath Ledger.'
JR: 'Except Rey's career is alive and well.'
/facepalm

If you read through all of the above, thanks muchly!:)

Omegle - Line of the Day

2009-04-06T19:10:00.003+01:00

/facepalm to his sense of ethic

Stranger: but i like to walk down a street and see a white guy once in a while

Preceded by 'I'm not racist, but'

Tool.

Site of the Week - Omegle

2009-04-05T15:02:00.004+01:00

Omegle

Omegle is a instant messaging site where two users to one another anonymously.

I've only just started using it, so I'll just post an conversation I just had.
(You = me, Stranger = well, the stranger)

Stranger: SAY HI NOW!
Stranger: BIATCH I SAID SAY HI!
Stranger: NOW!
You: hi!
You: or HI!!!

As I've just found this site, I'll report back later with more.

UPDATE

Connecting to server...
Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: watching wrestlmania?
Stranger: what is wrestlmania?
You have disconnected.
or send us feedback.

The Late Late Show and me.

2009-03-30T00:10:00.005+01:00

Pat Kenny has announced his retirement.
It came as a shock to pretty much everyone, I think at least. After thinking about it for a few minutes, I realised that as a nation we lack a certain quality of chat show host.
I feel that as a result of our sub-par standard of broadcaster, that I am as fit for the job as anyone. So I did what I thought was necessary to get the job. Yes, that's right, I started a petition.

A link to my petition!

The above is the link to said petition.
I feel that it is time RTÉ acknowledge that young people watch television too. Shocking facts, I know! Hopefully this news hasn't rattled your core beliefs in all that is right.

If instated I will introduce a more Letterman style of show. I know that Tubridy chap tries, but that is all he does, tries.
I will grill topical guests in a dry and witty manner (hopefully).
I will have the latest and greatest bands perform weekly, and as can be seen earlier in this sentence I have substantial rhyming skills for any rap battles that may break out.

I have experience in journalism, writing for the UCD Observer on 3, yes three occasions, before being unceremoniously ignored by them. (All due to the fact the the singer from The Enemy is an unresponsive douche) Furthermore I have experience in comedy, which I think is a vital skill in hosting a chat show.
I can appeal to the youth of today, being 18 years of age. I can also reach out to the elderly viewers, having once fallen in the shower.

What I am asking of you is not going to increase taxes, reintroduce fees or touch up your nephew after Mass, no ladies and gentleman I simply want to provide light entertainment that not only tends to topical issues, but also provides a giggle.

I urge you, as a friend, as a fellow TV viewer and as a member of this supposed free country, to sign my petition and together we can make a difference!

Will change RTÉ for the best?

Well as Gordon Brown said while quoting Barrack Obama,

YES WE WILL!

Also, there 100% will be one for everyone in the audience!

Site Update

2009-03-25T03:18:00.001Z

Hi hi!
Few updates:

New layout.

More compact sharing button.

Added option to email a post to friends.

Added a 'Find Me On:' section to the sidebar.

That's all I think.

Ireland win Grand Slam and 6 Nations.

2009-03-22T00:04:00.003Z

On a day where my beloved Manchester United lost for the second week on the trot (I happened to witness the mauling to the Scousers in person:( ), Ireland's rugby team made us all proud by beating Wales to win the 6 Nations for the first time and the Grand Slam for the first time since 1948.
Unfortunately I didn't get the catch the second half of the game, so rather than talk about the game I was just want to say a few relevant things.

This is a great day, not only for Irish rugby, but for Irish sport in general. It is not often that Ireland performs so well on a world stage, and over the last decade or so it has been the rugby lads job to keep our sporting dignity.

Also congratulations to Bernard Dunne, Andy Lee, Katy Taylor and my neighbour Andy Murray for winning their respective fights tonight. Sorry to the other boxers who were fighting, names are escaping me at the moment.

Movie List update!

2009-03-21T23:47:00.006Z

Firstly, apologies for the inconsistency of posts. I've been really busy with my comedy. On which, thanks to anyone who showed up for any of my gigs! :)

Anyhoo, quick update on my movie challenge. For those who didn't see my original post on the the topic click here.

So in the last month and a bit I've seen:

Rambo: First Blood
First Blood Part 2
Rambo 3
Rocky
Rocky 2
Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas
Trainspotting
Dawn of The Dead (2005)
Independence Day (well enough of it to know not to trust mid-1990's Macs)

I'm quite happy, as that works out at about one movie a week. That average may drop in the coming weeks with study and what not, but once May hits, it'll be 3 a week hopefully.

I've also seen Watchmen (twice as of this posting) and Benjamin Button. Watchmen, I will review soon, just waiting for more people to see it so I can spoil it for as little people as possible. Regardless, it is the best film I've ever seen, and if you haven't read the comic, and you can, READ IT FIRST. It is the greatest comic ever written!

Stand up Final!

2009-03-06T16:13:00.004Z

My stand up comedy appearance in the UCD Stands Up Final on March 4th.

Watchmen Widget

2009-02-10T19:12:00.001Z

So happy!

2009-02-09T20:20:00.001Z

Awesomes! (The Blink 182 reunion part, not the Coldplay winning part)

Blink 182 are back!

2009-02-08T01:36:00.003Z

Fuck yeah!

Blink 182 are reunited to present a Grammy tomorrow night (Sunday). This is the first time they've shared a stage since their show in Dublin in December 2004! Nobody knows if they're performing yet, but them presenting is a huge step considering the bad feelings between Tom and Travis/Mark!

Get the fuck in!

This is less a blog post, more exclamation of excitement!!

Also, I will take back all I have said about Tom DeLonge in the past 4 years!

New album being recorded in 2009 too!

ZOMG! Fanboy Alert!

2009-02-05T03:15:00.003Z

Just found this:

The New Frontiersman

It's a viral site for the Watchmen movie adaptation. With ever bit of information released about this movie, I just get more and more excited! It's my favourite comic book EVAR and I've never been more excited about a movie. XD

Movie Madness, on my part.

2009-02-03T18:27:00.008Z

I enjoy movies. I like to think that I've seen a large number of movies, and would know quite a bit about cinema too. Now, I'm bragging, far from it actually. For a while now I've known that despite all the films I've seen, there are a near unsurpassable amount of 'classics' or must-see films that I have not seen. What makes this worse is that I have a serious amount of said classics/must-sees at home on DVD, but have never watched.
So I've decided it is time to take action. Never again shall conversations among housemates read

'Have you seen Blaah*?'
'Yeah it's class!'
Me: 'Nope, never got round to watching it.'
'David, you're a disgrace!'

*Blaah is not an actual movie, but if anyone wants to make it, please send me it when your done! :)

So as of last weekend, I have started to watch every unwatched DVD in my possession.
From memory the following are DVDs I won but have not seen:

Heat

Casino

Goodfellas

One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest

Battle Royale

North By Northwest

Giant

Maltese Falcon

Three Colours trilogy

Pan's Labyrinth

12 Angry Men

Casablanca

Citizen Kane

Raging Bull

The Elephant Man

Strangers on a Train

The Manchurian Candidate (1962)

The African Queen

Dial M for Murder

Mystic River

Godfather trilogy

Alien series

Rocky series

Rambo series

Snatch

Grosse Point Blank

Schindler's List

Any Sergio Leone films

Predator Series

Låt den rätte komma in

Memento

Evil Dead series

Die Hard 1,2,3

Independence Day

Hard Boiled

Lethal Weapon series

Fargo

The Big Lebowski

...of the Dead series

Se7en

Just for the record I chose Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrells and High Fidelity as the movies to kick start this plan!

Please leave other suggestions in the comments section!

/buys popcorn company

Update

2009-02-03T02:12:00.000Z

Just a quick update.

This blog now comes with a new feature. If you look a little under this post you will see a few boxes. These link my blog to each of those sites like Digg and StumbleUpon. So feel free to click away!

Thanks,

Davey

Review: The Wrestler

2009-02-02T13:34:00.005Z

'The Wrestler' is Darren Aronofsky's fourth feature film as a director. It star's Mickey Rourke as the protagonist, Randy 'The Ram' Robinson, a battered, aging, broken down professional wrestler. The Ram was a big star in the 1980's, but now, twenty years on, he finds himself wrestling for various indie promotions at the weekend.
In the 1980's, The Ram wrestled the Ayatollah (played by former WCW star and personal favourite Ernest 'The Cat' Miller) in a sold out show in Maddison Square Garden. After one booking, a promoter proposes a rematch between the two to Randy, who agrees, thinking it will propel him to the top again.
We later learn, on Randy's return home' that he lives in a trailer and cannot always pay his rent, leading him to sleeping in his van after popping pain meds. The next day Randy goes to work at a super market where he loads boxes. His boss, Wayne, is, well, a prick; making fun of wrestling and insulting Randy. Wayne is played by Todd Barry, who some people will recognise him from the final episode of season one of Flight of the Conchords. See: The Doggy Bounce.
Anyhoo, I digress! Randy later wrestles Necro Butcher (as himself) in a bloody hardcore match, which involves a great scene with a prosthetic leg. After picking up the win, Randy suffers a heart attack in the locker room. After a bypass surgery, the doctor tells Randy that he can no longer take steroids or even wrestle. Forced to work at the deli in the super market, Randy tries to live life without wrestling. He tells stripper Cassidy (Marisa Tomei) about all his problems at a strip club he frequents. Now Cassidy too is getting old for her profession and so empathises with Randy. On her advice Randy visits his estranged daughter.
From here on out, it'd get a bit spoilery so I'm going to stop.

I adore this movie, and as a huge mark, it has become one of my favourite films. It uncovers the reality and hardship of professional wrestling and shows that it's not all fake. Sure, it's predetermined, but the hits are real, and this movie captures that realism beautifully. The use of real wrestlers in the locker room scenes also adds a bit more for the marks watching.
Please go see this movie. It's beautifully shot and Aronofsky has created a character in Randy that the audience really feel for. However, it is Darren Aronofsky after all, and the man isn't a big fan of hope in his movies, so don't go expecting a happy sing-song at the end. To me this is a good as cinema gets.

/aside
If anyone has seen this and loved it, check out Beyond The Mat for some insight into the lives of some real Randy 'The Ram' Robinsons.

Score:
10/10

iTunes and Vista in cahoots!

2009-01-31T19:05:00.002Z

Right so, I was going to blog about my week, but then iTunes descides not recognise my external hard drive. And now because of that I have to reinstall iTunes, then put in the neighbourhood of 15000 songs back onto my iPod.

Also, because my OS is Windows Vista, I'm just going to go ahead and assume that it had something to do with iTunes rebelling. Roll on Windows 7!

Like/Dislike 1

2009-01-28T00:24:00.005Z

New Feature!

I Like: My epic bed. Whoever made this quilt and these pillows is respnsible for any morning classes I miss.

I Dislike: Being called Dave. Yep. Don't like it at all. Davey, Daithí and of course David are all good, just not Dave please.

Back To Life, Back To Reality.

2009-01-25T00:54:00.004Z

One week over, eleven more to go!

My first week back, and it was quite a successful one. First major thing is that I have around ten hours less than I did last semester. I cannot explain how much of a relief that is, as now I can actually hang out with people rather than being stuck in labs until six in the evening.

I still have no internet in my house in Dublin. Well technically I do, but we won't talk about that. Wink wink, nudge nudge and all that. So for this reason, for the forseeable future all of my posts will be at the weekend, or if I can 'borrrow' internet for long enough, there may be the occasional post.

Also I bought my first adult mode of transport, a scooter.

Yes, those are flashing lights along the side of it, and no I will not give you a ride on it. This bad boy cuts a whole FIVE minutes off my journey from my house to Baggot St. I'm still getting the hang of going fast on it because I was not fortunate enough to own one as a child. So to make up for not being a child with a scooter, I'm being an 18 year old acting as 'a child with a scooter'! And my God is it fun! Apologies if I almost hit anyone on the footpaths of Dublin over the last week, I have no way of alerting people that I want to pass by, being too shy to shout or raise my voice! (Yet,somehow, not shy enough to zip about town at night on a flashing red scooter) Unfortunately I seem to have a penchant for crashing, only when others are around. It was in one of these crashes(while scooting down a corridor) that I crashed I broke the flashing LEDs. /sigh

Myself and my housemates were crippled with an electricity bill of over €500, but hopefully that's all been sorted. Talk about criminal! But let us not get onto the topic of criminals and our house...

Not a whole pile else happened over the week. I did go see The Wrestler, but I'll deal with that separately. My sleep patterns aren't (as) screwed up anymore, and I've been sleeping a lot better, which is nice. For me at least!

'TNA! TNA! TNA!' - A Review.

2009-01-24T00:21:00.003Z

On Friday last (the 16th) I attended a TNA house show. TNA stands for Total Non-Stop Action and it is a proffessional wrestling company for those who don't know. A house show is just a show run, usually in a different town every night, just for a live audience; in other words not for the television.
TNA's reputation as both the 'second company' and of it's general product differs greatly from mark to mark. ( A mark is a wrestling fan). While they have some great talent, the storylines can be very weak. But that does not conscern me for the moment. I'm going to concentrate on the Dublin house show.
The National Stadium on South Circular Road was filled to capacity, and the crowd were buzzing. To add more incentive to the crowd, the loudest fans would be brought backstage throughout the night. Alas, I was not chosen! /sigh
Rather than going through a blow by blow account of each match, this will do:

Alex Shelly Retained his X Division Championship in a Triple Threat
against Doug Williams and Eric Young

Beautiful People beat ODB and Taylor Wilde

Samoa Joe pinned Sheik Abdul Bashir

Abyss and Matt Morgan lost to Team 3D in a Dublin Street Fight.

Beer Money beat Lethal Consequences in Tag Team Action

Kurt Angle got the win over AJ Styles in a great main event

I'll stick some photos up during the week. I know most people diss pro wrestling, but if anyone is ever offered the chance to go to a WWE or TNA show, jump at it! The atmosphere and fun are worth the entrance price.

We then popped to Whelans to get our grove on to Ian I Brow to finish a fun night.

Score:

8/10

Recently Relative Playlist 2

2009-01-15T23:22:00.004Z

My top 3 songs that I listened to in Rome.

Kevin Rudolf ft. Lil Wayne - Let It Rock

Iglu & Hartly - Violent And Young

People in Planes – Light for the Deadvine

As always my Last.fm profile can be found at http://www.last.fm/user/son-of-santa

(My) Roman Holiday [a.k.a The Italian Blog a.k.a The Blogfather]

2009-01-15T01:33:00.030Z

I spent 3 nights in Rome, from Sunday 11Th to Wednesday 14Th. Unfortunately the weather didn't feel like like giving me a change from the rain I'm used to, and I ended up getting quite soaked. But alas, that meant new shoes so I won out in the end!
I arrived early on Sunday afternoon with my Dad. The hotel we were staying in was about 300 metres from the main train station, so it was very convenient. The hotel was a bit of a surprise however. The entire hotel was just one floor of a 6 story building. The floor below it was apartments and above it was another hotel, named Fawlty Towers! Our hotel room was tiny, with about 10 inches between both beds.

After we checked in, we checked out (see what I did there?) the Colosseum. Decided to get a group tour, which unfortunately contained some rather annoying Australian chaps. The tour was good, and the tour guide was full of witty banter and virgin jokes at the expense of a pair of American girls. It was cool (if you're into Romans) to see the underground layout of rooms and tunnels that held the lions and other animals that were fought. The only animals there these days are the many stray cats living among the ruins.

From the Colosseum, we went to the Spanish Steps. They were just like I remembered from 'Sabrina Goes To Rome'. In fact quite a lot of my knowledge of the Eternal City came from this movie...eh, I mean Gladiator. Yeah, Gladiator, with all it's fighting and manliness and complete lack of magical romance...eh. After walking up and inevitably down the steps we continued to the Trevi Fountain, which is as it sounds, a fountain. Quite a large, ornate one at that. It should be noted that on this day, it was sunny and dry. Oh, how things changed!

Went to the Vatican City the next day, and witnessed one of the greater abuses within the Catholic Church. And that my friends, is nuns cutting queues! Any queue at all, nuns felt they could just walk to the front; the queue to St. Peter's Basilica, to the Vatican Museum, to the cupola of St. Peter's, even the gents toilets to show that they could! The Vatican was, as you can imagine, quite time consuming, yet nonetheless was interesting. Even got to see old JP2's (John Paul II) grave! After the Vatican I got a coffee. Nowt special about that I know, but remember that scene in 'Sabrina Goes To Rome' where she has a really strong cup of coffee, well it was like that except with out Melissa Joan Hart. For the record, best coffee in the world is in Italy.

One thing that amazed me were, what i named, the Umbreller Sellers. These were guys who, at the first drop of rain, would appear on every street and sell umbrellas to people. These chaps were everywhere, up like 6 to a street. It was if they spent all day, everyday watching the weather on tv, and at the first hint of rain, would arm themselves with umbrellas and take to the streets. And, my God, would they not take no for an answer. Almost like they were reformed rapists who were trying to put they're penchant of ignoring 'no' to a slightly more socially accepted hobby.

The last thing that struck me about the trip, were the eclectic bunch of vagrants that hung around the Termini train station at night. There were the type that shouted, who smelled, there was even one chap who attempted to sing opera. But the most memorable was the woman, covered in make up, who sat in the same seat every night with a box of chocolates. Almost like she had once waited there for her lover, who upon meeting her, presented her with a box of chocolates and then shot her in the face with Homer Simpson's makeup shotgun! And since that day she has wandered the train station in search of someone to love her. By searching, I mean flirting with whoever is behind here in the queue in the station grocery store to buy her the chocolates she brings to the till.

Now, on that note I shall sign off on this post; just one more little thing to provide a giggle to the reader. When we checked in at the hotel, the receptionist asked if we wanted a twin or double room...

Italian Preparation.

2009-01-10T01:59:00.012Z

I'm off to Rome on Sunday for a few days. In order to be able to communicate with local italians, I've decided to do the smart thing, and learn some key phrases that I feel will be useful. Feel free to use these if you ever find yourself in Italy.

Mi scusi signore, ma un gran pezzo di grasso è scesa dal tuo capello, nel mio caffè - Excuse me mister, but a large piece of grease has fallen from your hair, into my coffee.

Auguro a visitare il suo famoso campanile di pizza. - I wish to visit your famous Tower of Pizza

Potrebbe, per favore, mi mostri la strada verso la casa di Mario? O la casa di Luigi? - Could you show me the way to Mario's house? Or Luigi's?

Sono qui per vedere il papa. Digli David è qui.. - I am here to see the Pope. Tell him David is here.

Che cosa significa che io non possa vederlo? - What do you mean I can not see him?

Ti è dirgli che si tratta di me? Qual è il problema? - Did you tell him that it is me? What is the problem?

Non sto lasciando poi! - Then I'm not leaving!

No! Se volete farmi uscire dalla Popemobile, si dovrà rimuovere me! - No! If you want me to get out of the Popemobile, you will have to remove me!

Andate via, è stupido svizzera Pansy! - Go away, you stupid Swiss pansy!

Aiuto! Aiuto! Mi viene aggredito! - Help! Help! I'm being attacked!

Non colpevole, il vostro onore. - Not guilty, your honour.

So there we have a few choice phrases that should help to accommodate a wide variety of situations. I hope they help anyone who travels to Rome in the future and hopefully they serve me well over the next few days!

Ciao!

Film Review: Lord of The Rings Trilogy

2009-01-09T02:00:00.007Z

I will be reviewing the LoTR trilogy as one film as I have just watched them all in one sitting. Purists do regard it as one long film, and I will not argue with that as it did feel as if it was all one 10 and a half hour film. The time was in no way a problem, it really did fly by. This is a credit to both Jackson and of course one J.R.R Tolkien for capturing the viewers imagination.

In my opinion, these films gave rise to the popularity of the word 'epic' in film and casual speak, and it's no wonder really, as it perfectly describes the trilogy. There is not a single moment of any of the trilogy that I did not enjoy. It'd had been years since I had seen any of them, and it was fun seeing all the little things I'd missed first time round. Seeing Brett McKenzie from Flight of The Conchords in the first and third films was great, and spotting the Ent in Return of The King dousing his flaming head in a giant wave provided a good giggle.

I'd like to apologise to Boromir and Sean Bean because when I first saw the Fellowship of the Ring, I thought the character was a bit of a prick (pardon me!) for trying to steal the ring. But on this viewing I relaise it was a moment of weakness form an otherwise honourable character. He also deserves the title of 'tough c*nt' for fighting of Uruk-hai while having 3 or 4 arrows sticking out of his chest! Fair fucks to him!

I really don't think I can properly describe just how much I enjoyed this film. When I try to think of words for it I just feel a rush of adrenaline thinking of the battles and a feeling of attachment to all of the character. Well there is one word I suppose...

EPIC!

Score:
30 / 10

Bonus Youtube video : HERE!

Film Review: Reeker 2 or No Man's Land: Rise of The Reeker

2009-01-08T00:14:00.010Z

Reeker 2 is obviously the sequel to Reeker, a 2006 horror film, which I quite enjoyed.

A quick summary of Reeker from wikipedia:

When a lonely highway is inexplicably closed, five students sharing a ride to a party in the desert find themselves trapped at an empty motel. Refusing to let the new circumstances interfere with their fun, they settle in only to be interrupted by odd, haunting visions of severely mutilated travelers. The gruesome sightings may explain the sudden abandonment of the motel and diner, but the appearance of the retiree with a missing wife confirms their worst fears. He too has seen the dying people - victims of a killer, one that has likely taken his wife - a killer trailing a dark force of decay and rot.

Reeker 2 starts off explaining the origin of the Reeker from the first film. A brutal serial killer, plagued by 'voices', is caught and sentenced to death in a gas chamber. As he dies we see that the voices were Death and had been telling him who to kill. Cut to present day, where the cop who arrested the killer, who became Reeker, is an elderly cop with his cop son. The diner they are eating in becomes the centre of a shootout and hostage situation. Now from here, the movie follows the EXACT plot as the first one. There was no effort put into to changing the stroy around. The deaths aren't even particularly gruesome or funny to compensate for the weak plot.
My advice is to watch Reeker, then pretend there is no sequel and just forget you read this review. Just trying to save you all some time!

Score:

2 / 10

UPDATE! New Resolution.

2009-01-08T00:10:00.006Z

Quick update on my New Year's Resolutions.

I'm am going to start to play my guitar again. I haven't played properly in months for fear of embarrassing myself in my house of awesome guitar players.

First new song to learn will be Cute Is What We Aim For's version of Coyote Shivers' "Sugar High".

Updates on my guitar progress, and progress in achieving all my other objectives will be posted in the future.